Adopt Steve The Pit Bull Cross!

I cannot have another dog right now, but I really want this dog named Steve.

I know, I know; "Steve" isn't the name I go for in a dog. Or give a dog. My dogs are named Toodles Squirrel-Face Davidson III and Mr. Oliver T. Puddington. But read on, you'll see why I am so enamoured...

Steve's available at a a Fargo-Moorhead dog rescue right now. (I only looked because I saw a commercial on TV and wasn't sure if the group was local or not -- I swear!) Anyway, Steve is an awesome looking dog -- and his foster family writes the such entertaining things about him, he's won me over:

Steve thinks that he is too sexy for his collar but not TOO sexy for you! He wants to be your boy!

Steve is also highly intelligent, as his *enormous* head might suggest.

Do you ever watch a dog in motion and marvel at the perfect synchronization of muscle, agility and grace? Well, that's not Steve but what he lacks in coordination, he makes up in character and an unabashed joy for life.

For those that worry about a Pit Bull cross, don't. They are sweet dogs. It's people, as usual, who ruin them.

If you adopt Steve, let me know -- I'd love to visit him!

Linguistics and the Study of Comics

Because I've talked about comics and autism as well as comics and literacy here, I thought you might be interested in this review of Linguistics and the Study of Comics (edited by Frank Bramlett).

Breastfeeding In Public

The United States Breastfeeding Committee (USBC) officially declared August as National Breastfeeding Month and The Bump is celebrating by designating August 15 as Public Display of Breastfeeding (PDB) day.

There are lots of conflicting issues surrounding breastfeeding for moms -- from body image and sexuality to personal feelings about privacy in intimate moments -- and I've no desire to add to any pressures to make a mom feel like she has to breastfeed in public. But I do recall feeling isolated and shunned simply for doing what was natural and healthy for my baby, i.e. having to hide while breastfeeding my baby just so other people wouldn't freak out. Which is damn silly. Avert your eyes if you are so uncomfortable! So I'm all for making breastfeeding less of a cultural taboo and making mothers pariahs along the way. If breastfeeding is something you feel better about doing privately, that's your choice -- but let's make it a choice, not something women and their children are forced to do in secret.

Last month, in preparation for this public awareness campaign, The Bump placed a call for photos and videos of moms breastfeeding in public, so I'm guessing we'll be seeing those images soon.

Work, Work, Work (And Some Play)

Been blogging more about our family travels and restoration of the old house at It's The Journey, Not The Destination. But will be back with some parenting stuff soon!

Getting A New House; Making A New Home

We just got a new old house -- a real fixer-upper, priced low enough for us to pay in cash. (Almost as mind blowing as the restoration work we have to do!)

One of the joys of a new house, is day dreaming about how we'll live there, make it our home. Given that it will take us so long to restore the house, those days are years away... Meanwhile, I've been reveling in the chance to organize where we are living now. Making sure to reuse and recycle not only what's in the old farm house but what's in the house we rent now, we are getting rid of the rest. (Sooo many trips to the thrift shops to donate; so many vintage and antique items in our personal collections going up for sale!) It's not only changing the way we will live, but the way we live now.

Whether you've been thinking about restoring an old farm house, taking advantage of the deals to be found in the current housing market, or just need a different house to accommodate your needs, mortgage rates are very low right now.

Bullying At & By Schools

When you're the parent of a special needs child, you become accustomed to butting heads with school (medical, mental health, etc.) professionals. Primarily this is because you know your child better than they do. But it's also because you know other people's kids -- and other adults -- better than most do.

So when I read the "astonishing" study that says children with autism are three times more likely to be bullied, my first thought was, "Only three times more?"

Children with autism (ASD), and others who experience frequent meltdowns and inflexibility, are often easy targets for bullies. The general lack of teaching tolerance, understanding, and simple kindness coupled with the fact that these children are easy to get a big reaction out of has obvious appeal for those lacking in maturity and respect.

But this is only part of the problem.

Children with special needs, especially those with non-physical or invisible issues, are also likely to suffer a unique type of bullying: To be blamed for things they did not do.

Kids know the stakes, the rankings in classrooms and elsewhere. They quickly learn to manipulate the power structure by telling a teacher or adult that it was a special needs kid who did something wrong -- those kids are either always in trouble for behaviors or assumed to be capable of some wrong choice due to their difficulties, so teachers and others fall for the scapegoating in spite of how the child with special needs protests. (This also means that when a child with ASD or other diagnosis reports bullying, the complaint will not be taken seriously.)

In fact, kids will often just threaten to blame in order to get things their way, with such taunts as, "Who do you think they'll believe, you or me?" Unfortunately, I've even seen this sort of disgrace in my own family first hand.

But there's more.

According to the study, children with ASD are also "bully-victims", meaning they are children who have been bullied and also behave as bullies, or at least can be viewed as a bully.

Researchers believe that the deficits in social understanding common in children with ASD may lead to bullying behavior by the child that is different than that displayed by typically developing children. For example, an honest but socially unacceptable remark such as, “You’re fat,” by the child with ASD may be viewed by others as purposely cruel when it is not. Likewise, a child with ASD who is accidentally bumped into might misinterpret this as intentional, and lash out in a way that looks like bullying.

Doesn't this also mean that the child with ASD or other difficulty is likely to face accusations of bullying and the consequences? Even if only an "educational discussion", it's sure to add additional suffering to their day.

Can you begin to imagine how upsetting all this is? Even without autism or other issue, a person would be prone to meltdowns!

And the number of meltdowns matter because now eight states are sending autistic, mentally retarded, and emotionally troubled kids to a facility that punishes them with painful electric shocks!

Yes, it's 2012 and we're giving kids electric shock treatments.

What's next? Lobotomies? Stonings?

Maybe Erika Christakis is right; maybe we Americans do hate our kids.

I've known for a long time that children have been devalued, and women (especially single mothers) right along with them; but I hadn't thought we actually hated kids.

It's bad enough that bullies exist in schools; do we have to create institutionalized bullying too?

Teaching Tolerance?

(I wrote this well-over a decade ago; please excuse excessive use of quotes.)

Officials claim that including special needs children in the activities of the general student population, called 'mainstreaming,' is best for these children as they must learn to cope with and function in 'society' at some point. According to them, being in the general school setting prepares them for future jobs and other life skills. I am one parent that questions this structure.

From the point of view of a parent of a child with special needs, I see how the system fails those students in the same manner that they fail the general student body.

The average school day for a special needs child contains more frustrations than the average child's day. This is because along with the greater difficulty in mastering skills, there is the added social pressure of knowing others are not struggling as they are. And, there is the social stigma of being 'one of those' children.

I remember being in grade school, and I remember those few students who were with the class part of the day, and gone for other parts. We never knew what they left for. Our questions were dismissed with the word 'different.' No one told us what made these children different, or what they did when they left.

At some point in our young minds, those classmates themselves were dismissed as our questions were, and eventually, the word 'different' soon took on the synonymous meaning of weird.

And it is the same way today.

These 'different and weird' children desire to play, and talk and share, just as the 'normal' children do. They learn how to socialize, be supportive, work as a team, and more when interacting with others in forms of play. But special needs children are avoided due to the stigmas attached to them.

While this of course is not extremely pleasant for those 'different' children, it is not really fair to any student. For if mainstreaming is supposed to help children learn to deal with society, shouldn't these children be learning how to deal with each other? Shouldn't we be teaching tolerance and understanding, not just for race or religion, but for all people?

If the schools will not make the effort, then it is up to parents to do the educating here. Talk to your children about what it must be like to live in a wheel chair. Tell them that just because a child is different, does not mean a person isn't fun to be with. Discuss with them how a so-called handicap is not a 'bad thing' to be avoided, that while it offers challenges, it often brings something rare, maybe even a new best friend. Ask them how it would feel to never be asked to a classmates birthday party only because people have never taken the time to know who you are...

For one day, all these students, not just those with special needs, will be getting jobs and living in society as a whole. Shouldn't all students need to learn about differences, understanding and tolerance? Who can say if in the next few years the mechanic working on your son's car won't be able to hear, or if your daughter's boss may have ADD?

Preparing your child now on how to deal with all sorts of people ensures them a more successful future, in every aspect.

Classroom Decor In Special Ed

Dean Traylor gives tips on decor in special education classrooms. While primarily focused on ADD/ADHD, there's plenty of food for thought.

People With Disabilities Have Sex Too

At the Huffington Post, Kaleigh Trace posts an impassioned editorial about persons with disabilities having sex lives. While an overall excellent article, there's a sad lack of addressing those with disabilities other limits other than physical.

I posted a comment, which is still pending; this is what I wrote:

I applaud this article. It's sad that such subjects still need to be addressed, but also sadder still that you failed to mention those people with disabilities other than physical. As the parent of a special needs child, on the Autism spectrum, I struggle with getting professionals and other parents to address this very real matter. I know talking about raising sexually educated children is frowned upon in general here in the USA, but it's a reality. A reality that special needs kids must also face. And I really wished that had been mentioned in your article too.

Beautiful Memories Of A Lost Sibling

As far as I can tell, this is the source of this gripping photo and story:

This is a photo of my sister at age one and me at five. This is the only picture I have where I am holding her.

She died a decade later after this photo taken. It shows the strength of a child who was born physically and mentally disable and her motivation to keep living. She never gave up till the day she died. She survived longer than the doctors predicted. Even on this day, she will always be the strength and courage my family needs to keep living.

I share this beautiful, and, yes, sad story to remind us that even when the most fragile amongst us leave too soon, they are remembered.

Please, go read the rest. And if you're on Tumblr, every reblog results in a donation to the children with Microcephaly Foundation.

Baby Issues Matter Past The Newborn Years

While my babies are no longer babies, the Three Controversial Topics in Motherhood Worth Confronting, breastfeeding, cord blood banking, and vaccinations, are issues that matter to all of us. Not just moms either. For these issues of health matter to us all.

Women's Health Care

Should matter to you.