Collecting is a self-directed activity about passion. In our world of (sometimes overly) scheduled activities, the meandering, self-directed, self-motivated journey of collecting is quite foreign to many -- including children. They go from school, to organized activity to another organized activity. Even video games have pretty rigid rules (at least if you want to win!). And so the free-wheeling dealings (free-stylin’, as the American Pickers say) of collecting can seem incredibly foreign to many.
It's rather a shame, as kids, including special needs kids, can learn a lot from collecting -- everything from how to handle money to becoming becoming self-starters, and even create more nerds (and the world needs more nerds!).
To help parents and others encourage children to collect, I've written Ten Ways To Encourage Kids To Collect.
Showing posts with label values. Show all posts
Showing posts with label values. Show all posts
Thursday, August 08, 2013
Friday, May 31, 2013
The Choice Of Motherhood
This is difficult to write -- but then that's why I feel it must be discussed.
Feminist and author Alice Walker and her daughter, Rebecca Walker, have been at odds over motherhood. Rebecca, after so much prose about snuggling and the like with her son, says:
*sigh*
I can't help but feel that Rebecca is a bitter (adult) child, who wishes her mother was the fantasy mother so many of us feel pressured to be by society. No doubt, Rebecca feels her mother was selfish -- but there is also no doubt that she herself has benefited from the very thing that she feels abused by: feminism.
I think few people appreciate their mothers; even fewer appreciate mothers who have dedicated so much of their lives to careers, including movements. And this is less likely to be done when it is fathers who have taken on such dedication of purpose. Do we call presidents, leaders, and activists such as Martin Luther King, Jr. "selfish"? No. And it's not because their children didn't miss their fathers. But they were taught to understand their purpose. And, of course, there were mothers there to pick up all the slack from men who were, if not always away, not focused on their children so much.
But even on a smaller scale, raising a child comes with responsibilities which can and often do interfere with one's personal goals. And tradition places this more squarely on the shoulders of women. Mothers are expected to assume these duties as if this is their calling, their one true purpose and joy, to the exclusion or detriment of anything else. This belief is not just in my head either.
Employers, especially men (who still hold the majority of powerful positions regarding hiring, firing, and pay), view that it is difficult for mothers to be successful traders because connecting with a child is a focus “killer.”
Rebecca Walker can enjoy her role as mother. She may find it her greatest passion, her destiny, her true purpose -- even to the exclusion of anything else. Good for her if she has found her bliss.
However, for many of us, motherhood is far more complicated.
We struggle with our own identities and feelings of fulfillment beyond the role -- however enjoyed -- of Mother. We don't want to choose between parenting and careers -- but the very fact that we feel forced to see parenthood as a choice is a millstone around our necks. Many of us struggle feeling pulled in different directions or parent or provider, of mother or person. Why should we have to choose? Why should we be blamed or suffer finger-waves like Rebecca's for wanting something "more" than motherhood?
Heck, many of us wish we had the luxury to even view role of parent and role of provider as options -- for providing for our children in a world which not only prevents us equal pay, but control over our own bodies, leaves us with no choices at all. Just millstones everywhere you look!
If we, including Alice Walker herself, are to respect Rebecca's feelings and choices -- shouldn't Rebecca respect ours too?
Motherhood should be a choice. Yes, "Choice" with a capital "C". As well as a choice women are less imprisoned by -- and that includes the right to feel that we are people, not only mothers, and to pursue things which take us away from our children.
Feminist and author Alice Walker and her daughter, Rebecca Walker, have been at odds over motherhood. Rebecca, after so much prose about snuggling and the like with her son, says:
You see, my mum taught me that children enslave women. I grew up believing that children are millstones around your neck, and the idea that motherhood can make you blissfully happy is a complete fairytale.
In fact, having a child has been the most rewarding experience of my life. Far from 'enslaving' me, three-and-a-half-year-old Tenzin has opened my world. My only regret is that I discovered the joys of motherhood so late - I have been trying for a second child for two years, but so far with no luck.
I was raised to believe that women need men like a fish needs a bicycle. But I strongly feel children need two parents and the thought of raising Tenzin without my partner, Glen, 52, would be terrifying.
As the child of divorced parents, I know only too well the painful consequences of being brought up in those circumstances. Feminism has much to answer for denigrating men and encouraging women to seek independence whatever the cost to their families.
*sigh*
I can't help but feel that Rebecca is a bitter (adult) child, who wishes her mother was the fantasy mother so many of us feel pressured to be by society. No doubt, Rebecca feels her mother was selfish -- but there is also no doubt that she herself has benefited from the very thing that she feels abused by: feminism.
I think few people appreciate their mothers; even fewer appreciate mothers who have dedicated so much of their lives to careers, including movements. And this is less likely to be done when it is fathers who have taken on such dedication of purpose. Do we call presidents, leaders, and activists such as Martin Luther King, Jr. "selfish"? No. And it's not because their children didn't miss their fathers. But they were taught to understand their purpose. And, of course, there were mothers there to pick up all the slack from men who were, if not always away, not focused on their children so much.
But even on a smaller scale, raising a child comes with responsibilities which can and often do interfere with one's personal goals. And tradition places this more squarely on the shoulders of women. Mothers are expected to assume these duties as if this is their calling, their one true purpose and joy, to the exclusion or detriment of anything else. This belief is not just in my head either.
Employers, especially men (who still hold the majority of powerful positions regarding hiring, firing, and pay), view that it is difficult for mothers to be successful traders because connecting with a child is a focus “killer.”
Rebecca Walker can enjoy her role as mother. She may find it her greatest passion, her destiny, her true purpose -- even to the exclusion of anything else. Good for her if she has found her bliss.
However, for many of us, motherhood is far more complicated.
We struggle with our own identities and feelings of fulfillment beyond the role -- however enjoyed -- of Mother. We don't want to choose between parenting and careers -- but the very fact that we feel forced to see parenthood as a choice is a millstone around our necks. Many of us struggle feeling pulled in different directions or parent or provider, of mother or person. Why should we have to choose? Why should we be blamed or suffer finger-waves like Rebecca's for wanting something "more" than motherhood?
Heck, many of us wish we had the luxury to even view role of parent and role of provider as options -- for providing for our children in a world which not only prevents us equal pay, but control over our own bodies, leaves us with no choices at all. Just millstones everywhere you look!
If we, including Alice Walker herself, are to respect Rebecca's feelings and choices -- shouldn't Rebecca respect ours too?
Motherhood should be a choice. Yes, "Choice" with a capital "C". As well as a choice women are less imprisoned by -- and that includes the right to feel that we are people, not only mothers, and to pursue things which take us away from our children.
Monday, July 30, 2012
Breastfeeding In Public
The United States Breastfeeding Committee (USBC) officially declared August as National Breastfeeding Month and The Bump is celebrating by designating August 15 as Public Display of Breastfeeding (PDB) day.
There are lots of conflicting issues surrounding breastfeeding for moms -- from body image and sexuality to personal feelings about privacy in intimate moments -- and I've no desire to add to any pressures to make a mom feel like she has to breastfeed in public. But I do recall feeling isolated and shunned simply for doing what was natural and healthy for my baby, i.e. having to hide while breastfeeding my baby just so other people wouldn't freak out. Which is damn silly. Avert your eyes if you are so uncomfortable! So I'm all for making breastfeeding less of a cultural taboo and making mothers pariahs along the way. If breastfeeding is something you feel better about doing privately, that's your choice -- but let's make it a choice, not something women and their children are forced to do in secret.
Last month, in preparation for this public awareness campaign, The Bump placed a call for photos and videos of moms breastfeeding in public, so I'm guessing we'll be seeing those images soon.
There are lots of conflicting issues surrounding breastfeeding for moms -- from body image and sexuality to personal feelings about privacy in intimate moments -- and I've no desire to add to any pressures to make a mom feel like she has to breastfeed in public. But I do recall feeling isolated and shunned simply for doing what was natural and healthy for my baby, i.e. having to hide while breastfeeding my baby just so other people wouldn't freak out. Which is damn silly. Avert your eyes if you are so uncomfortable! So I'm all for making breastfeeding less of a cultural taboo and making mothers pariahs along the way. If breastfeeding is something you feel better about doing privately, that's your choice -- but let's make it a choice, not something women and their children are forced to do in secret.
Last month, in preparation for this public awareness campaign, The Bump placed a call for photos and videos of moms breastfeeding in public, so I'm guessing we'll be seeing those images soon.
Wednesday, June 06, 2012
Getting A New House; Making A New Home
We just got a new old house -- a real fixer-upper, priced low enough for us to pay in cash. (Almost as mind blowing as the restoration work we have to do!)
One of the joys of a new house, is day dreaming about how we'll live there, make it our home. Given that it will take us so long to restore the house, those days are years away... Meanwhile, I've been reveling in the chance to organize where we are living now. Making sure to reuse and recycle not only what's in the old farm house but what's in the house we rent now, we are getting rid of the rest. (Sooo many trips to the thrift shops to donate; so many vintage and antique items in our personal collections going up for sale!) It's not only changing the way we will live, but the way we live now.
Whether you've been thinking about restoring an old farm house, taking advantage of the deals to be found in the current housing market, or just need a different house to accommodate your needs, mortgage rates are very low right now.
One of the joys of a new house, is day dreaming about how we'll live there, make it our home. Given that it will take us so long to restore the house, those days are years away... Meanwhile, I've been reveling in the chance to organize where we are living now. Making sure to reuse and recycle not only what's in the old farm house but what's in the house we rent now, we are getting rid of the rest. (Sooo many trips to the thrift shops to donate; so many vintage and antique items in our personal collections going up for sale!) It's not only changing the way we will live, but the way we live now.
Whether you've been thinking about restoring an old farm house, taking advantage of the deals to be found in the current housing market, or just need a different house to accommodate your needs, mortgage rates are very low right now.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Bullying At & By Schools
When you're the parent of a special needs child, you become accustomed to butting heads with school (medical, mental health, etc.) professionals. Primarily this is because you know your child better than they do. But it's also because you know other people's kids -- and other adults -- better than most do.
So when I read the "astonishing" study that says children with autism are three times more likely to be bullied, my first thought was, "Only three times more?"
Children with autism (ASD), and others who experience frequent meltdowns and inflexibility, are often easy targets for bullies. The general lack of teaching tolerance, understanding, and simple kindness coupled with the fact that these children are easy to get a big reaction out of has obvious appeal for those lacking in maturity and respect.
But this is only part of the problem.
Children with special needs, especially those with non-physical or invisible issues, are also likely to suffer a unique type of bullying: To be blamed for things they did not do.
Kids know the stakes, the rankings in classrooms and elsewhere. They quickly learn to manipulate the power structure by telling a teacher or adult that it was a special needs kid who did something wrong -- those kids are either always in trouble for behaviors or assumed to be capable of some wrong choice due to their difficulties, so teachers and others fall for the scapegoating in spite of how the child with special needs protests. (This also means that when a child with ASD or other diagnosis reports bullying, the complaint will not be taken seriously.)
In fact, kids will often just threaten to blame in order to get things their way, with such taunts as, "Who do you think they'll believe, you or me?" Unfortunately, I've even seen this sort of disgrace in my own family first hand.
But there's more.
According to the study, children with ASD are also "bully-victims", meaning they are children who have been bullied and also behave as bullies, or at least can be viewed as a bully.
Doesn't this also mean that the child with ASD or other difficulty is likely to face accusations of bullying and the consequences? Even if only an "educational discussion", it's sure to add additional suffering to their day.
Can you begin to imagine how upsetting all this is? Even without autism or other issue, a person would be prone to meltdowns!
And the number of meltdowns matter because now eight states are sending autistic, mentally retarded, and emotionally troubled kids to a facility that punishes them with painful electric shocks!
Yes, it's 2012 and we're giving kids electric shock treatments.
What's next? Lobotomies? Stonings?
Maybe Erika Christakis is right; maybe we Americans do hate our kids.
I've known for a long time that children have been devalued, and women (especially single mothers) right along with them; but I hadn't thought we actually hated kids.
It's bad enough that bullies exist in schools; do we have to create institutionalized bullying too?
So when I read the "astonishing" study that says children with autism are three times more likely to be bullied, my first thought was, "Only three times more?"
Children with autism (ASD), and others who experience frequent meltdowns and inflexibility, are often easy targets for bullies. The general lack of teaching tolerance, understanding, and simple kindness coupled with the fact that these children are easy to get a big reaction out of has obvious appeal for those lacking in maturity and respect.
But this is only part of the problem.
Children with special needs, especially those with non-physical or invisible issues, are also likely to suffer a unique type of bullying: To be blamed for things they did not do.
Kids know the stakes, the rankings in classrooms and elsewhere. They quickly learn to manipulate the power structure by telling a teacher or adult that it was a special needs kid who did something wrong -- those kids are either always in trouble for behaviors or assumed to be capable of some wrong choice due to their difficulties, so teachers and others fall for the scapegoating in spite of how the child with special needs protests. (This also means that when a child with ASD or other diagnosis reports bullying, the complaint will not be taken seriously.)
In fact, kids will often just threaten to blame in order to get things their way, with such taunts as, "Who do you think they'll believe, you or me?" Unfortunately, I've even seen this sort of disgrace in my own family first hand.
But there's more.
According to the study, children with ASD are also "bully-victims", meaning they are children who have been bullied and also behave as bullies, or at least can be viewed as a bully.
Researchers believe that the deficits in social understanding common in children with ASD may lead to bullying behavior by the child that is different than that displayed by typically developing children. For example, an honest but socially unacceptable remark such as, “You’re fat,” by the child with ASD may be viewed by others as purposely cruel when it is not. Likewise, a child with ASD who is accidentally bumped into might misinterpret this as intentional, and lash out in a way that looks like bullying.
Doesn't this also mean that the child with ASD or other difficulty is likely to face accusations of bullying and the consequences? Even if only an "educational discussion", it's sure to add additional suffering to their day.
Can you begin to imagine how upsetting all this is? Even without autism or other issue, a person would be prone to meltdowns!
And the number of meltdowns matter because now eight states are sending autistic, mentally retarded, and emotionally troubled kids to a facility that punishes them with painful electric shocks!
Yes, it's 2012 and we're giving kids electric shock treatments.
What's next? Lobotomies? Stonings?
Maybe Erika Christakis is right; maybe we Americans do hate our kids.
I've known for a long time that children have been devalued, and women (especially single mothers) right along with them; but I hadn't thought we actually hated kids.
It's bad enough that bullies exist in schools; do we have to create institutionalized bullying too?
Sunday, March 18, 2012
People With Disabilities Have Sex Too
At the Huffington Post, Kaleigh Trace posts an impassioned editorial about persons with disabilities having sex lives. While an overall excellent article, there's a sad lack of addressing those with disabilities other limits other than physical.
I posted a comment, which is still pending; this is what I wrote:
I posted a comment, which is still pending; this is what I wrote:
I applaud this article. It's sad that such subjects still need to be addressed, but also sadder still that you failed to mention those people with disabilities other than physical. As the parent of a special needs child, on the Autism spectrum, I struggle with getting professionals and other parents to address this very real matter. I know talking about raising sexually educated children is frowned upon in general here in the USA, but it's a reality. A reality that special needs kids must also face. And I really wished that had been mentioned in your article too.
Beautiful Memories Of A Lost Sibling
As far as I can tell, this is the source of this gripping photo and story:
I share this beautiful, and, yes, sad story to remind us that even when the most fragile amongst us leave too soon, they are remembered.
Please, go read the rest. And if you're on Tumblr, every reblog results in a donation to the children with Microcephaly Foundation.
This is a photo of my sister at age one and me at five. This is the only picture I have where I am holding her.
She died a decade later after this photo taken. It shows the strength of a child who was born physically and mentally disable and her motivation to keep living. She never gave up till the day she died. She survived longer than the doctors predicted. Even on this day, she will always be the strength and courage my family needs to keep living.
I share this beautiful, and, yes, sad story to remind us that even when the most fragile amongst us leave too soon, they are remembered.
Please, go read the rest. And if you're on Tumblr, every reblog results in a donation to the children with Microcephaly Foundation.
Monday, December 05, 2011
Not All Balloons Are "Hot Air"
For every MyOwnPet balloon purchased from this page, $5 will go directly to help Canines for Disabled Kids.
NOTE: MyOwnPet Balloons are shipped flat and must be helium-filled. They can be inflated at most florists, party and gift stores and many supermarkets (at NO charge) and, in the event they become soft over time, they can be refilled.
NOTE: MyOwnPet Balloons are shipped flat and must be helium-filled. They can be inflated at most florists, party and gift stores and many supermarkets (at NO charge) and, in the event they become soft over time, they can be refilled.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Gardasil In The News -- Sorta
I'm sure you've heard about Michelle Bachmann stepping in it again, this time taking one individual and unverified comment and making the claim that "Gardasil led to mental retardation." I won't jump to Bachmann's defense; but, as usual, I continue to harbor more than reservations about the vaccine -- how can you ignore deaths?
But there's more to the story... Check it out at my other blog: In Which Gardasil & I *Almost* Make The News (Or, Ethics In Medicine & Media).
Tuesday, August 02, 2011
This Just In... Of Tutus & Hotties
From the "Everyday odd and even cute things kids do and say" files...
The 15 year old daughter bought a tutu. Black, of course. I've got $50 that says she won't wear it to school -- or more than a few times to the mall with girlfriends who are also wearing their tutus.
But then again, where can a 15 year old wear a tutu in public? She may have retro 80s fantasies and the fashions to prove it; but she's got nowhere to go and show it.
Come to think of it, I have the same problem...
The 11 year old son has a crush on Christina Applegate. Bio-father lets him watch Married... With Children and so he met her as Kelly Bundy. *heavy sigh* Applegate's got a new show airing this fall: Up All Night, with Will Arnett and Maya Rudolph (who hubby and I have been insisting for years we all should be seeing more of). Upon seeing an ad for the new series, the son's excitement to see her is obvious.
In order to delicately insert the concept of Applegate as a person, not an object, I first say how I think she's a great comedian. But I don't think the son gets where I am going; he's got that glazed look and says something about her being "hot."
My heavy sighs are close to becoming growls. So I try again.
I try to go for completely humanizing the hottie with a, "Did you know Christina Applegate is a cancer survivor? She even had a breast removed due to it."
(Actually, Applegate had both breasts removed; but that correction only appears here for accuracy.)
"She did?" he replies, eyes now wide open in many ways.
"Yes."
"Did it grow back?"
Sorry, folks, but we, the bad parents, burst out in laughter. We couldn't help ourselves.
But faced with his earnest concerned face we did recover quickly. We explained that humans are not lizards, that she looks fine because there are bras, breast forms, etc. she can use. And, yeah, I snuck in a comment or two about why parents -- especially moms -- are so insistent about wearing helmets, caring for your body, safety, etc. Because things don't grow back. No matter how much we want them to.
The 15 year old daughter bought a tutu. Black, of course. I've got $50 that says she won't wear it to school -- or more than a few times to the mall with girlfriends who are also wearing their tutus.
But then again, where can a 15 year old wear a tutu in public? She may have retro 80s fantasies and the fashions to prove it; but she's got nowhere to go and show it.
Come to think of it, I have the same problem...
The 11 year old son has a crush on Christina Applegate. Bio-father lets him watch Married... With Children and so he met her as Kelly Bundy. *heavy sigh* Applegate's got a new show airing this fall: Up All Night, with Will Arnett and Maya Rudolph (who hubby and I have been insisting for years we all should be seeing more of). Upon seeing an ad for the new series, the son's excitement to see her is obvious.
In order to delicately insert the concept of Applegate as a person, not an object, I first say how I think she's a great comedian. But I don't think the son gets where I am going; he's got that glazed look and says something about her being "hot."
My heavy sighs are close to becoming growls. So I try again.
I try to go for completely humanizing the hottie with a, "Did you know Christina Applegate is a cancer survivor? She even had a breast removed due to it."
(Actually, Applegate had both breasts removed; but that correction only appears here for accuracy.)
"She did?" he replies, eyes now wide open in many ways.
"Yes."
"Did it grow back?"
Sorry, folks, but we, the bad parents, burst out in laughter. We couldn't help ourselves.
But faced with his earnest concerned face we did recover quickly. We explained that humans are not lizards, that she looks fine because there are bras, breast forms, etc. she can use. And, yeah, I snuck in a comment or two about why parents -- especially moms -- are so insistent about wearing helmets, caring for your body, safety, etc. Because things don't grow back. No matter how much we want them to.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
A Little Update: The Niece Visits
Last weekend my eight year old niece, Maddy, was here. My parents brought her up for a weekend visit. She's raised with continuous entertainment in a much larger house -- I mean our entire house, from attic to basement, would fit in their "great room." So I expected some sort of culture shock.
There were a lot of pronouncements of, "I'm bored." But I didn't expect that three minutes into a 6 minute drive to dinner for her to announce her boredom. It was her way of demanding a DVD to play or something.
But our kids know the drill and suggested she amuse herself by looking out the window.
Maddy responded ad follows:
"Red car. White car. Another red car."
"House."
"House."
"Blue car."
I responded with a twist on the old "Looking is with the eyes," usually reserved for not touching in stores. "Looking is with the eyes, not the mouth," I said.
Maddy was silent.
But you could feel her displeasure. *wink*
She also learned that pet birds make a lot of noise. She was fascinated by Luke, our cockatiel, but immeasurably annoyed by his chirps and bird-talk; she dramatically shushed him all the time.
I guess her dad can thank me when the pleading for a pet bird stops. *wink*
Overall, it was a great visit. She loved our "full of neat stuff" little house. (She's not used to so many books and knick-knacks; my sister's house is much more minimalist.) And she quickly caught on to entertaining herself by doing things like painting (I had literally given her a box of rocks for her birthday -- a rock painting kit she brought along), riding bikes and hanging out in the attic "fort."
On the way back home, Maddy told my parents that she missed "those people." So I guess we were a hit!
My mother replied to her sad commentary on loss of us by saying, "That's what vacations are; lots of fun but then you go home to the people you love."
Maddy responded by saying she sure missed, Carly, their dog. Ha!
There were a lot of pronouncements of, "I'm bored." But I didn't expect that three minutes into a 6 minute drive to dinner for her to announce her boredom. It was her way of demanding a DVD to play or something.
But our kids know the drill and suggested she amuse herself by looking out the window.
Maddy responded ad follows:
"Red car. White car. Another red car."
"House."
"House."
"Blue car."
I responded with a twist on the old "Looking is with the eyes," usually reserved for not touching in stores. "Looking is with the eyes, not the mouth," I said.
Maddy was silent.
But you could feel her displeasure. *wink*
She also learned that pet birds make a lot of noise. She was fascinated by Luke, our cockatiel, but immeasurably annoyed by his chirps and bird-talk; she dramatically shushed him all the time.
I guess her dad can thank me when the pleading for a pet bird stops. *wink*
Overall, it was a great visit. She loved our "full of neat stuff" little house. (She's not used to so many books and knick-knacks; my sister's house is much more minimalist.) And she quickly caught on to entertaining herself by doing things like painting (I had literally given her a box of rocks for her birthday -- a rock painting kit she brought along), riding bikes and hanging out in the attic "fort."
On the way back home, Maddy told my parents that she missed "those people." So I guess we were a hit!
My mother replied to her sad commentary on loss of us by saying, "That's what vacations are; lots of fun but then you go home to the people you love."
Maddy responded by saying she sure missed, Carly, their dog. Ha!
Monday, May 30, 2011
What About Good Manners?
I recently had yet another conversation with our children regarding etiquette -- how it's not "snobby things" designed to make people feel bad or out of their class, but just the opposite.
The rules of etiquette are guidelines for getting along; little niceties we extend to one another to avoid upset and rules for everyone so that we all can get along in social situations. While it's true that some of these rules seem fancy, or from a formal time long gone, they primarily exist so that groups of people can avoid offending one another and avoid conflict. Avoiding conflict is key when living as a group or community, including as a family.
I was reminded of these conversations when I saw 25 Manners Every Kid Should Know By Age 9.
It's amazing the number of children who do not know or extend the courtesy of following these rules -- and I feel this adds to the feeling of entitlement in children that I wrote about here (and for which I was interviewed at The Globe and Mail). Even more amazing the number of parents who do not bother to teach their children these or any other basic good manners; they rather doom their families to less pleasant living conditions -- and sentence their children to becoming disrespectful, selfish, entitled beings who will not get along with others.
I've lots more to say about this; but today the eldest turns 22, so I'm off to prepare for the birthday barbecue!
The rules of etiquette are guidelines for getting along; little niceties we extend to one another to avoid upset and rules for everyone so that we all can get along in social situations. While it's true that some of these rules seem fancy, or from a formal time long gone, they primarily exist so that groups of people can avoid offending one another and avoid conflict. Avoiding conflict is key when living as a group or community, including as a family.
I was reminded of these conversations when I saw 25 Manners Every Kid Should Know By Age 9.
It's amazing the number of children who do not know or extend the courtesy of following these rules -- and I feel this adds to the feeling of entitlement in children that I wrote about here (and for which I was interviewed at The Globe and Mail). Even more amazing the number of parents who do not bother to teach their children these or any other basic good manners; they rather doom their families to less pleasant living conditions -- and sentence their children to becoming disrespectful, selfish, entitled beings who will not get along with others.
I've lots more to say about this; but today the eldest turns 22, so I'm off to prepare for the birthday barbecue!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Survey Says My Family's Not So Strange After All
According to a national survey commissioned by SleepBetter.org and conducted by Ipsos Public Affairs, one in four Americans (23%) say that Goodnight Moon is their all-time favorite bedtime story. The study also says that moms are doing the bedtime story reading 3-to-1 over dads. But what's most surprising, to me anyway, is the fact that even more popular among young children (age 7 or younger) than bedtime classic Goodnight Moon are the stories that their parents make up themselves!Now our family has a long tradition of making up stories -- not only at bedtime, but we share them at the breakfast table, and when we spend time with extended family (holidays, etc.) we spend time sitting around making up stories together: One person starts with the first sentence, the next person adds the next line, etc., and you go around the room with each person adding a sentence until the story is finished. (Warning: This is where family issues will be aired; the little brother will mock his sister, mom will mock dad, grandma will mock mom, etc. -- which is all in good fun, unless your participating teens are surly.)
Anyway, I just thought that our kids liked our stories and storytelling time because, well, frankly, because they were weird. ...Apples not falling far from the tree, and all that. *wink*
But it turns out, this sort of "weird" is in the majority -- making us all "normal."
Now The Bedtimes Stories Project is collecting these stories in their Sleepy Tales Book.
To encourage folks to submit their original family bedtime stories (all authors retain the copyrights to their stories), The Bedtime Project's got the incredible Betty White involved! (You know I adore Betty White!)Not only has Betty even written her very own bedtime story, Sleep Better Snowball!, but she'll be reading from the Sleepy Tales Book -- and she may also read one of the submitted bedtime stories!
If you you want your story to be evaluated as one of the stories that Betty White will read from at the May 26th event in L.A., you need to submit your story by midnight EST Sat. May 22, 2010.
Also, by the end of the program in July, one story will be selected to inspire an illustration by noted artist Bill Nelson. The deadline for a chance to have your story illustrated by Nelson is midnight EST, Wednesday June 30, 2010.
So submit you family's story asap. Who knows, it could win a really cool honor! Stranger things -- like our kids liking our made-up stories -- have happened. *wink*
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Jean-E-Ology
If you don't know how to sew, or just don't have time, Denim Therapy repairs jeans for just $7.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Is Your Child's Social Life Taking Over Your Life? Help Is On The Way!
There's another new social networking site that's launched, and while the thought of another social site in beta may seem more like clutter on your horizon than exciting news, this one sounds more like a time saver than a time waster.
SocialToddler.com is a social networking site helping parents organize their children's social networks by offering a safe virtual meeting place to plan & schedule events as well as, if you're willing, meet other families in your area.
I gave the social network for parents a quick look-see and was impressed.
At Social Toddler you can organize regular playgroups and individual playdates as well as birthday parties and even grown-up only events. (Me likey that last one a lot because my kids, while too big for parental organized playdates, run me ragged with the plans they make themselves).
SocialToddler.com would also be great for families moving to new locations who want to plug-in to activities in their new communities. Divorced parents living outside of their child's neighborhood &/or who have placement time away from their child's usual neighborhood could use Social Toddler to stay in touch with their children's primary playgroups as well as find new playgroups for visitation times.
There are a lot of positive possibilities with SocialToddler.com, so I decided to ask founder (and father) Rich Rotzang some questions to address concerns parents of young children might have.
There a many mom &/or parenting social network sites, what need(s) did you see that weren't yet being met that SocialToddler.com addresses?
Social Toddler focuses very specifically on playgroups and other small groups comprised of parents who know each other. We know that these are small groups of moms (or dads), that meet regularly, have very active children, and share information constantly. In practical terms, we offer our members tools and resources to support their real world parenting needs - planning events, managing their schedules (and their kids’), and sharing information in a private setting.
In terms of social networking, we went into this with a fundamental belief that for parents, the true value of a "social network" is not in the size of that network, but the quality of the information that is derived from it. That’s why unlike other parenting social networks, we focus on relationships that are true in the real world.
I see that members have options regarding how much information about themselves and themselves they share, with whom they share it, and even not to share any information about their child(ren) at all. What about concerns of people posing as parents just to get access to real world groups and their meetings... Any plans to address this?
This is a valid concern and something that we take very seriously. One of the elements we've built into the site is a set of security features that minimizes this risk.
Groups have the option of setting their privacy level as public or private. If a group is private, a person can only join if they are invited by another member of the group, or ask to join and are accepted. Until then, they have no access to any of the discussions, photos, events or members of that group. In public groups, however, information is made available to encourage parents to meet one another, plan playdates, etc. We realize that our members may have concerns about such issues so we have brought on a safety expert to help educate our users on how to protect themselves and their children on the internet, and also to offer suggestions on how we can make our site safer.
Is membership free? Will it remain free? What plans do you have to monetize the site, aside from the Google Ads I see, in order to keep it open for members? I ask this for two reasons: One, Ning's recent announcement has put many in a tizzy -- and it's not just the community owners/moderators who are frustrated, but members losing their connections, contacts, etc. Two, people would prefer to know of future plans to place ads etc. rather than feel like they are sprung on them (or fear that it's a sign of funding problems, threatening their "home").
Yes membership is free, and we have no plans of charging for membership in the future. Besides advertising, we intend to monetize the site in a number of ways. I can't get into the details at the moment because our monetization plan is closely tied to our product roadmap.
I notice in your FAQ you address the issue of dads and state that "we will be adding features for dads too". What exactly are "features for dads"?
To clarify, what we mean by this is that we will be adding features that dads will also find useful. What we've found so far is that the majority of our members are women, and almost all playgroups are for women. But we also know that there are a lot of active dads out there and we want to give them a reason to visit our site. We will be introducing a number of features that appeal to both parents and will be useful, and targeted, to both moms and dads.
Since the network is in beta, what do you advise in cases where members will join and not find any other folks in their local, "real world," communities?
If members join and don't find a group in their area, we suggest they start one. It's super easy, 5 minutes or less. There's no better way to meet parents in your community than to start a group, invite a few friends and go from there. By listing their group on our site, it will also help other parents looking for local connections. Also, by users surfing the site, they will see the other kinds of public groups that are popular, and this will inspire them to create their own.
Are there, or do you have plans for, apps etc to sync the website to phones or other gadgets?
Absolutely. We are already integrated with Facebook, so users can log in with their Facebook credentials. We'll also be adding some really cool mobile apps in the future.
Anything you'd like to add?
Although right now the site seems like just another social network, we are actively working on launching many more very useful and unique features that will be available in the next few months. These features will contribute to creating what we hope will be the most useful, user friendly and resourceful site for parents online. We’re very excited about the future!
Thanks, Rich!
If you're a parent struggling to organize your child's playgroups and meetings -- if you're feeling like managing those events and details is nearly as exhausting as herding the small children at them -- you'll probably want to give Social Toddler a try.
SocialToddler.com would also be great for families moving to new locations who want to plug-in to activities in their new communities. Divorced parents living outside of their child's neighborhood &/or who have placement time away from their child's usual neighborhood could use Social Toddler to stay in touch with their children's primary playgroups as well as find new playgroups for visitation times.
SocialToddler.com is a social networking site helping parents organize their children's social networks by offering a safe virtual meeting place to plan & schedule events as well as, if you're willing, meet other families in your area.I gave the social network for parents a quick look-see and was impressed.
At Social Toddler you can organize regular playgroups and individual playdates as well as birthday parties and even grown-up only events. (Me likey that last one a lot because my kids, while too big for parental organized playdates, run me ragged with the plans they make themselves).
SocialToddler.com would also be great for families moving to new locations who want to plug-in to activities in their new communities. Divorced parents living outside of their child's neighborhood &/or who have placement time away from their child's usual neighborhood could use Social Toddler to stay in touch with their children's primary playgroups as well as find new playgroups for visitation times.
There are a lot of positive possibilities with SocialToddler.com, so I decided to ask founder (and father) Rich Rotzang some questions to address concerns parents of young children might have.
There a many mom &/or parenting social network sites, what need(s) did you see that weren't yet being met that SocialToddler.com addresses?
Social Toddler focuses very specifically on playgroups and other small groups comprised of parents who know each other. We know that these are small groups of moms (or dads), that meet regularly, have very active children, and share information constantly. In practical terms, we offer our members tools and resources to support their real world parenting needs - planning events, managing their schedules (and their kids’), and sharing information in a private setting.In terms of social networking, we went into this with a fundamental belief that for parents, the true value of a "social network" is not in the size of that network, but the quality of the information that is derived from it. That’s why unlike other parenting social networks, we focus on relationships that are true in the real world.
I see that members have options regarding how much information about themselves and themselves they share, with whom they share it, and even not to share any information about their child(ren) at all. What about concerns of people posing as parents just to get access to real world groups and their meetings... Any plans to address this?
This is a valid concern and something that we take very seriously. One of the elements we've built into the site is a set of security features that minimizes this risk.
Groups have the option of setting their privacy level as public or private. If a group is private, a person can only join if they are invited by another member of the group, or ask to join and are accepted. Until then, they have no access to any of the discussions, photos, events or members of that group. In public groups, however, information is made available to encourage parents to meet one another, plan playdates, etc. We realize that our members may have concerns about such issues so we have brought on a safety expert to help educate our users on how to protect themselves and their children on the internet, and also to offer suggestions on how we can make our site safer.
Is membership free? Will it remain free? What plans do you have to monetize the site, aside from the Google Ads I see, in order to keep it open for members? I ask this for two reasons: One, Ning's recent announcement has put many in a tizzy -- and it's not just the community owners/moderators who are frustrated, but members losing their connections, contacts, etc. Two, people would prefer to know of future plans to place ads etc. rather than feel like they are sprung on them (or fear that it's a sign of funding problems, threatening their "home").
Yes membership is free, and we have no plans of charging for membership in the future. Besides advertising, we intend to monetize the site in a number of ways. I can't get into the details at the moment because our monetization plan is closely tied to our product roadmap.
I notice in your FAQ you address the issue of dads and state that "we will be adding features for dads too". What exactly are "features for dads"?
To clarify, what we mean by this is that we will be adding features that dads will also find useful. What we've found so far is that the majority of our members are women, and almost all playgroups are for women. But we also know that there are a lot of active dads out there and we want to give them a reason to visit our site. We will be introducing a number of features that appeal to both parents and will be useful, and targeted, to both moms and dads.
Since the network is in beta, what do you advise in cases where members will join and not find any other folks in their local, "real world," communities?
If members join and don't find a group in their area, we suggest they start one. It's super easy, 5 minutes or less. There's no better way to meet parents in your community than to start a group, invite a few friends and go from there. By listing their group on our site, it will also help other parents looking for local connections. Also, by users surfing the site, they will see the other kinds of public groups that are popular, and this will inspire them to create their own.
Are there, or do you have plans for, apps etc to sync the website to phones or other gadgets?
Absolutely. We are already integrated with Facebook, so users can log in with their Facebook credentials. We'll also be adding some really cool mobile apps in the future.
Anything you'd like to add?
Although right now the site seems like just another social network, we are actively working on launching many more very useful and unique features that will be available in the next few months. These features will contribute to creating what we hope will be the most useful, user friendly and resourceful site for parents online. We’re very excited about the future!
Thanks, Rich!
If you're a parent struggling to organize your child's playgroups and meetings -- if you're feeling like managing those events and details is nearly as exhausting as herding the small children at them -- you'll probably want to give Social Toddler a try.
SocialToddler.com would also be great for families moving to new locations who want to plug-in to activities in their new communities. Divorced parents living outside of their child's neighborhood &/or who have placement time away from their child's usual neighborhood could use Social Toddler to stay in touch with their children's primary playgroups as well as find new playgroups for visitation times.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Baskin-Robbins & I Have A Scoop For You!
Baskin-Robbins is hosting its fourth annual 31 Cent Scoop Night on April 28 from 5–10 p.m. at stores nationwide. That means a family of four can enjoy their favorite flavors for less than $1.50!
It’s for a good cause too – as part of the event, the Baskin-Robbins Community Foundation will make a $100,000 donation to the National Fallen Firefighters Foundation, a non-profit organization dedicated to honoring fallen fire heroes and assisting their families and coworkers. Participating Baskin-Robbins stores will help raise additional funds for local firehouses by inviting fire departments to the event to collect donations.
Here’s how you can help show your support for our firefighting heroes:
1) Post about 31 Cent Scoop Night on your blog to help spread the word!
2) Donate your Facebook status in honor of firefighters and RSVP for 31 Cent Scoop Night
3) Attend 31 Cent Scoop Night – find your neighborhood Baskin-Robbins.
It’s for a good cause too – as part of the event, the Baskin-Robbins Community Foundation will make a $100,000 donation to the National Fallen Firefighters Foundation, a non-profit organization dedicated to honoring fallen fire heroes and assisting their families and coworkers. Participating Baskin-Robbins stores will help raise additional funds for local firehouses by inviting fire departments to the event to collect donations.
Here’s how you can help show your support for our firefighting heroes:
1) Post about 31 Cent Scoop Night on your blog to help spread the word!
2) Donate your Facebook status in honor of firefighters and RSVP for 31 Cent Scoop Night
3) Attend 31 Cent Scoop Night – find your neighborhood Baskin-Robbins.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Thursday, March 04, 2010
Was Boo Radley Autistic?
DMFP contemplates if Arthur "Boo" Radley in To Kill a Mockingbird was on the spectrum:
You'll have to read the rest to discover her conclusions. And you'll have to post a comment to let us know yours.
He's shy. He likes children and the only time we see him comfortable in the story is when he's walking back to his home, Scout's hand in his.
But he stabbed someone in the leg, casually, without emotion. While collecting clippings for a scrapbook. He chooses odd ways to let someone know he likes them, leaving a strange assortment of bits and pieces in the hollow of the tree. It's a distant and unusual method of communication. And he knows enough to defend the innocent from impending danger. He's uncomfortable with lights and with talking to people.
The adults in the book consistently describe Boo as "harmless" and "innocent," in spite of the event with the scissors. The children and more dramatic neighbors manufacture dire tales of his yellow teeth and propensity to eat small mammals raw, but the people in the story whom we trust the most trust Boo and believe that he, at the core, is a good person, just kind of odd.
You'll have to read the rest to discover her conclusions. And you'll have to post a comment to let us know yours.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Brand Ambassador For The View
Last week I became an official View Brand Ambassador, part of the Mom Central campaign for ABC Daytime. This means you'll be hearing more from me on The View and while I will receive a tote bag or other The View branded items for &/or to facilitate my commentary &/or reviews, I'm really excited to have the opportunity to participate in the discussion about and promotion of one of my favorite shows -- yup, one of my favorite shoes, not just a daytime favorite. Being an ambassador for the show means I now have a legitimate reason to watch shows, uninterrupted. *wink*So consider this post a disclaimer -- and warning of things to come, both here and at my other blog, Kitsch Slapped. (Heck, it might even show up at other places, depending upon the topic!)
If you're a fan of The View, right now Mom Central has an exciting contest: The View Sweepstakes. The prize for one lucky winner? A trip to New York City to watch a taping of The View! The sweepstakes is open until February 28th and I encourage you to enter -- but I hope I win!
PS If you join Mom Central, befriend me here!
PPS I am a participant in a Mom Central campaign for ABC Daytime and will receive a tote bag or other The View branded items to facilitate my review.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
I Heart Autism
Today my Valentine's don't only go to my family & friends that I love, but to Autism too.
It may seem dumb to say you love something which has as caused as much fuss, pain, frustration, and problems as Asperger's Syndrome has for my family, but aside from the challenges which have taught me things I likely would not otherwise have known (blessings in themselves), my daughter has Asperger's -- and I love her.
Every part of her.
Not "in spite of" or despite whatever it is that we call "Aspergers Syndrome," but I love it too because it is part of who she is.
Since today is the second Sunday in February, today is also the International Day of Prayer for Autism and Asperger's Syndrome. My prayer is for understanding, acceptance, and assistance as needed for those affected by issues on the Autism spectrum. Which is all anyone can ask for, really.
It may seem dumb to say you love something which has as caused as much fuss, pain, frustration, and problems as Asperger's Syndrome has for my family, but aside from the challenges which have taught me things I likely would not otherwise have known (blessings in themselves), my daughter has Asperger's -- and I love her.
Every part of her.
Not "in spite of" or despite whatever it is that we call "Aspergers Syndrome," but I love it too because it is part of who she is.
Since today is the second Sunday in February, today is also the International Day of Prayer for Autism and Asperger's Syndrome. My prayer is for understanding, acceptance, and assistance as needed for those affected by issues on the Autism spectrum. Which is all anyone can ask for, really.
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