Thursday, June 30, 2005

Family Fairy Tales

Once upon a time, there were two little girls. Young as spring, fresh as morning, and sweet as Georgia peaches. Well, one was, the younger one was a brat. But that is for another time.

Because the little girls were so loved by their parents, they were often given snacks. Not just any snacks, no, they were often given healthy snacks of natural foods, such as fruits (which could just as easily be described in terms of the oldest girl herself!). This was as much for allowing their bodies to grow healthy as it was to make the girls smile.

One fine day, the two young ladies, after properly & politely requesting a mid-afternoon snack from their PaPa. They were delighted to watch him unwrap the cellophane from the snack-pack-set of Sun Maid raisons, and gleefully clapped as they awaited to receive a box of delicious, juicy raisons - yes, one whole snack-pack-sized box each!

PaPa was in the kitchen, and his two cherubs (well, again, the older one was anyways!) gently opened the boxed there, in order to snack & converse with their beloved PaPa. (Chewing with their mouths closed, and not speaking until they had properly chewed each mouthful 20 times before swallowing, as it should be done.)

And so the happy family, sans the mother who was likely working at a restaurant - waiting on some impolite family with ungrateful children, chatted happily in the kitchen.

Suddenly, the oldest child flushed with embarrassment, cried out 'Oh PaPa! We never even offered you any of our lovely raisons! Here, please, take some!' and she thrust the box toward him, offering him the open end, so he could help himself.

PaPa was happy to see his eldest sincerely offer to share, but he was not hungry himself. As he thought of a polite response that would not make the little girl fret with worry that his refusal was based on her proffering the raisons late, he took a peek into the box before him -- Oh, my!

At this moment PaPa grabbed the box, then he grabbed the box from the youngest girl's hands (which I might add, took a bit of a tug, because the little sister didn't like to share!), and then he quickly turned & just as quickly ran.

The girls were too shocked to be upset - never had PaPa moved so quickly!

Naturally, they ran after him. 'PaPa! PaPa!' they cried.

They followed him all the way to the bathroom, where he held the boxes above the toilet. It was at this point that PaPa saw the tears streaming upon his firstborn's face, and he knew that the little girl thought this was some punishment for being late to offer to share. He knew he had to tell the little girls the truth, but he didn't know how...

How could he tell them without upsetting them more?

Slowly, he lowered the two boxes of raisons, and told the girls to look inside...

The two girls peered inside the boxes, past the folded box flaps, down to about the halfway point where the remaining raisons rested. At first they were confused... what did PaPa want them to see...

Then suddenly the oldest gave a yelp, and then clutched her stomach. The youngest screamed & jumped back. There, mixed in with the dark black wrinkled raisons, were little... tiny... white... squirming... worms!

It was then that PaPa threw-up.

The remaining raisons & their 'friends' were dumped into the toilet as well, flushed to hell, as they should be - for God's creatures should know better than to mess with such a nice family's food.

The boxes, the two empty ones & all those that remained in the cupboard, were thrown in the trash. Double-bagged. Then removed from the house.

And that was the end of that.

No one from the family will discuss the event.

No one from the family ate raisons for 10 years. And then, it was only in baked cookies at holiday time.

And no one, I mean no one, chews their food 20 times before swallowing - even if it is after inspecting it closely, which should always the be the case.
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