Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Selfish, Just Selfish

As promised, I am back to post my serious thoughts to my middle child's mom getting married to suddenly.

Who does this to a child?

Who wakes up one morning and decides to make a major life decision? A 'free spontaneous person' might, I suppose. But when you are a parent, decisions like this affect your children. You may have the right to do such a thing, but that doesn't mean you should do so.

Des, the middle child, had no clue this was coming. She didn't know that mom was dating this man -- she thoght he was just a friend. Strange, because Des has told us before of mom's past boyfriends, engagments & break ups... Yet she knew nothing of this 'plan.'

Not only does this marriage affect Des, but her little brother. And her new step-father has a little 4 year old girl as well.

Based on Destiny's reaction, my guess is (and this is all I have here) that none of the children knew they were about to become family.

But it get's worse.

At the wedding, when all 3 kids are introduced to not just the idea of becoming family, but new family members themselves, they are at this time notified that they all will be moving as well. Neither husband nor wife has a space large enough for their new family, so they are moving.

Way to go, parents. Let's drop as many bombs as possible at once. This is the sort of security children need & crave.

...I am just waiting to hear that there's a new baby on the way too...

Now, admittedly, I know very little of these people. I do not know what lies in their hearts, their minds. But I do see their actions. And I do see how at least one child in this situation feels. It's written in her eyes. And I'm sure as time passes, she will grow in the ability to form questions based on all of this. Since I do not know the people, the parents, involved in this situation, I cannot give her answers. I cannot reassure anything other than the status of our home, our family.

Since I do not speak with these people often, I try to think fairly that they have 'their reasons,' and remember 'who am I to judge?'

But I do know this: Destiny's mom called on Sunday to discuss where to pick Destiny up after he weekend visit with mom et all... she joked about things, gave directions, but not once did she mention what was going on -- why all the sudden changes. She didn't tell me, she didn't tell dad. It was as if their actions needed no explanation, no reasoning was involved.

So I do not know part A, but I do know part B:

'Who am I to judge?' I'm the step-mom. The one who has the duty to care for her daughter. The one who loves her daughter & worried about her -- even when mom seems oblivious to it all.

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