Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Funniest Five Momfinitions

Inspired by Momfinitions at, my 5 Momfinitions -- I don't think I need to tell you that all of these are actual and true words in our household, but I just did *wink*

This first one comes from my mom & has been handed down lovingly to both myself and my sister. It surprisingly sees a lot of use.

noun: Any round-ish object (bead, button, game piece, decorated ponytail holder) for which you, in your addled & busy parental state of existence, can no longer remember the name. As in, "Jackie, hand me that beepleberry over there on the dresser."

(No, it doesn't really help anyone looking for the object; but just knowing that I share the same frustrations -- and memory loss -- as my mother and sister is somehow oddly comforting.)

C'mere Sneer
noun: The look on a child's face when they are going to show you something they know you will find unpleasant & they will not be found guilty of of responsible for. As in, "C'mere and see what Johnny did."

C'mere Fear
noun: The apprehension & fear a parent feels when asked to come see something a child has discovered or created.

A recent example:

Destiny: "Dad, c'mere... There's something weird on the fence."

Dad follows (while I, not addressed directly, remained in the house full of c'mere fear).

Dad returns, child is in her room, reading.

Me: "Well?"

Dad: "A bird must have had a heart attack or something while perched on the fence by the basketball hoop, & now it's stuck there. I checked to see if it can be knocked off -- with a poke of a stick -- but it's really stuck there."

Me: "What?!"

He repeats what he just said.

I head out to look.

Freaked & disgusted, I return to the house.

Me: "Did you take a picture of it?"

Dad: "No."

Me: "Really? You take photos of everything..."

Then I headed out to take photos for you, dear blog reader.

(Sorry if they are hard to see; the sun was behind the black bird body.)

I'm not in agreement over the cause of death; it looks more like a tornado blasted the poor bird into our fence. But we've had no tornado or gale force winds... Nor am I going to perform a bird autopsy to prove it. Draw your own conclusions.
OK, back to the remaining momfinitions.

C'mere Smear
noun: The residue left on your person after a child has tugged on you &/or your clothing in order to get you to follow them.

(I can only count myself lucky that Destiny did not touch this or hubby or I when she came to get someone to see the dead bird!)

noun: 1) The condition which afflicts your child so that he or she is the last one out the door, last one in line, etc.; to "bring up the rear" consistently & chronically.

2) The condition which afflicts your child (or spouse) in such a way that they fail or are unable to shut doors behind them; to have such a long tail, that, though invisible, it prevents the closing of doors.
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