Thursday, March 09, 2006

A Slice of Family Life

I am folding laundry in the living room & I hear the following from the kitchen:

"Where are you going?" (accusatory tone)

"To clean the litter box." (defensive tone)

"You didn't clean in here yet" (whine/bossy combination)

"I did. I cleaned this area" (moving towards anger, with a hint of tears forming)

"That's hardly anything. Look at all this -- all you did was that little area." (full force bickering)

"Well, I did it. And now I'm going to do the litter box." (also full scale bickering)

This is where I jump in -- "Girls, is there a problem?"

In unison they reply "No."

Followed by silence.

I want a dollar, just one dollar, every time this happens. I'd be rich.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Dose Darn Norvegians!!

As a new trasnplant in Fargo, don-cha-know, my mom knew I'd enjoy this!

Two Minnesotans walk into a pet shop near Brainerd. They head to the bird section and Sven says to Ole,"Dat's dem."

The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.

"Yah sure, ve'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere," says Sven.

The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag.

Ole and Sven pay for the birds, leave the shop, get into Sven's pick-up and drive to the top of some big cliffs near Brainerd Lake.

At the cliffs, Sven looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place."

He takes two birds out of the bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.

Ole watches as Sven falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself dead.

Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Ole shakes his head and says:

"By yumpin' yiminy, dis budgie jumping is too dangerous for me."

VAIT!!! Dere's MORE!

Moments later Knute arrives up at the cliffs.

He's been to the pet shop, too, and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another paper bag in one hand and a shotgun in the other.

"Hey, Ole, Vatch dis." Knute says. He takes a parrot from the bag and throws himself over the edge of the cliff.

Ole watches as half way down, Knute takes the gun and shoots the parrot.

Knute continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body.

Ole shakes his head and says, "And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either."

BUT VAIT!!! Dere's MORE , you betcha!!

Ole is just getting over the shock of losing two fri! ends when Lars appears.

He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a paper bag, out of which he pulls a chicken.

Lars grasps the chicken by the legs, holds it over his head, hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.

Once more Ole shakes his head. "First der was Sven with his budgie-jumping, den Knute parrot-shooting ... and now Lars, hen-gliding .."

Dats all. Dere ain't no more!