Why Your Bra Doesn't Fit & How To Fix That

If you missed my interview with bra coach Ali Cudby (part one, part two), then you probably didn't hear about her new book, Busted! The FabFoundations Guide To Bras That Fit, Flatter and Feel Fantastic -- or heard that there's a contest to win signed copies of the book. Well, now you know. *wink*

Today's the last day to enter.

This Just In... Of Tutus & Hotties

From the "Everyday odd and even cute things kids do and say" files...

The 15 year old daughter bought a tutu. Black, of course. I've got $50 that says she won't wear it to school -- or more than a few times to the mall with girlfriends who are also wearing their tutus.

But then again, where can a 15 year old wear a tutu in public? She may have retro 80s fantasies and the fashions to prove it; but she's got nowhere to go and show it.

Come to think of it, I have the same problem...

The 11 year old son has a crush on Christina Applegate. Bio-father lets him watch Married... With Children and so he met her as Kelly Bundy. *heavy sigh* Applegate's got a new show airing this fall: Up All Night, with Will Arnett and Maya Rudolph (who hubby and I have been insisting for years we all should be seeing more of). Upon seeing an ad for the new series, the son's excitement to see her is obvious.

In order to delicately insert the concept of Applegate as a person, not an object, I first say how I think she's a great comedian. But I don't think the son gets where I am going; he's got that glazed look and says something about her being "hot."

My heavy sighs are close to becoming growls. So I try again.

I try to go for completely humanizing the hottie with a, "Did you know Christina Applegate is a cancer survivor? She even had a breast removed due to it."

(Actually, Applegate had both breasts removed; but that correction only appears here for accuracy.)

"She did?" he replies, eyes now wide open in many ways.

"Yes."

"Did it grow back?"

Sorry, folks, but we, the bad parents, burst out in laughter. We couldn't help ourselves.

But faced with his earnest concerned face we did recover quickly. We explained that humans are not lizards, that she looks fine because there are bras, breast forms, etc. she can use. And, yeah, I snuck in a comment or two about why parents -- especially moms -- are so insistent about wearing helmets, caring for your body, safety, etc.  Because things don't grow back. No matter how much we want them to.

Rummage Sale In Fargo Today & Tomorrow

If you live in the Fargo-Moorhead area, check out our rummage sale at 14 6th Avenue N in Fargo.

Lots of kids books, games and toys, and kids clothes -- including new snowpants, rocker tees, boy's shorts (boys sizes 8 to 12-ish), Green Bay Packer shirts, girl's pajamas, girl's jeans (some with tags even!) All just 50 cents each.

In fact, everything's 50 cents unless marked, so come on down!

We're open until at least 6 pm tonight and open again at 9 am (til 6-ish) Saturday too.

Also:

* boy's bike: newer Harley-Davidson bicycle $20 (or best offer)
* a Spiderman skateboard ($5)

Plenty of miscellaneous, including vintage and collectibles -- and a hella amount of Christmas items.

Hate To Wake Up Baby To See If He Has A Fever?

Vintage lingerie blogger Slip of a Girl has a second, more eclectic, blog about fashion, design, home decor and whatever else is on her mind. There I learned about this news in baby clothing -- it has a built-in fever monitor!

This post sponsored by cheap web hosting.

Jean-E-Ology

If you don't know how to sew, or just don't have time, Denim Therapy repairs jeans for just $7.

Hats Off To Autism

Promote awareness of autism with this Autism Awareness Puzzle Hat by MsYarn Designs.



The pattern is knit flat, uses Intarsia method of color work, and there is a separate chart for each of the sizes. The pattern is just $5 and portion of the proceeds will be donated to Autism Society.

Menstruation Is The Blood That Keeps Misogyny Alive

I was shocked to discover that girls aren't allowed to bring purses into their classrooms in the middle school our daughter attends. How stupid. This is the time when girls are first getting their periods and suffering from all the anxiety that it brings in our culture where menstruation is the blood that keeps misogyny alive.

Maybe it's not part of a plot to further ridicule young women, or even a plan to bail out financially failing schools by forcing females to pay for pads and tampons in those restroom vending machines; the official excuse is that for safety reasons, purses, like backpacks, are forbidden from classrooms. This may sound sane to some of you (the sorts of folks who would argue with Cevin Soling's The War On Kids). But it ignores basic biology. And such discrimination fosters all those fears and discomforts which lead to men who can neither purchase pads nor push a cart with tampons in it.

You might be surprised to discover that your school system has just such a stupid policy. If so, I urge you to contact your schools and point out the errors of their so-called pragmatic thinking.

Some schools do not prohibit young ladies from carrying purses, just regulate purse size. If so, consider coordinating a Small Purse Drive for schools serving low income students as Mocha Momma is doing. If you do so, please feel free to leave your link &/or information in the comments section so that others can donate their small purses for students in need. As incentive, I offer Mocha Momma's account of what is happening as those donated purses come in.

Fashion's All The Rage

Since the wonderful Elizabeth is talking about the horrific fashions for girls, I feel compelled to point out my earlier post about such things (including horrible things for boys & infants!) and to point out my questioning ode to The Golden Age of T-Shirt Iron-Ons. Also see Slip of a Girl's battle with the school over a bra strap.

For The (un)Love Of Black Fashions

TwitterMoms has posted yet another contest, this one on children's fashions:

To participate, simply write a post on your own blog that shows us your kid’s style! Feel free to upload photos, videos, etc. of your kids showing off their style in their favorite outfits. The only requirement we ask is that your post includes at least one link to www.childrensplace.com so your readers can see their colorful new summer collection. Then return to this discussion page, post a comment below summarizing your blog post, and include an active link to your qualifying blog entry.

I've recently written about Destiny and her obsession with black clothing -- again, not "goth" but "rocker style" -- and I'd love to get her into something less, well, obsessive. I don't so much mind such dress as I do the "black is a requirement" dealio McBob. See how cute she is as The Fonz!? Adorable!



Summer is about the only time I can get her to consider other colors. I remind her of how hot black is in the sun and she considers a few pieces that aren't black. If I actually won a gift certificate, I could probably steer her towards this monkey tee, maybe some solid color bermuda shorts... The trick with a tween is to not suggest it -- unless it's at a "this or nothing" point. (They always take something rather than nothing!)

But the only way I'm likely to get a gift certificate, is if y'all leave lots of comments (and comments about your kids' fashion style or your troubles about how your kid dresses); so consider it, will ya?

The Bra Nazi: I Wish I Was Just Some Ultra-Conservative Worry-Wart, But I'm Not

It began with Des' mom and her grandma (hubby's mom) buying Des very short skirts and high-heeled black boots because they think it's a cool look (for her?!). When I met Des at age six, she had plenty of those outfits. But they made me cringe so badly (I've written before about how I feel about inappropriately dressing children), that I told hubby I would not appear in public with her dressed like that and by the 5th grade it was forbidden because it was inappropriate.

Des, now 12, is obsessed with wearing black. It's not quite the typical "goth" thing, more of a rock-n-roll-slash-biker rebellion dealio, a carry-over from those "cool" outfits, I suppose. (Those boots are still popular with her, but now she only wears them with pants or long skirts; and Des is now too prudish to wear short skirts unless her 80's leggings are underneath them.) But the fact is, Des will do just about anything to wear her black clothes, including picking them out of the dirty laundry pile. If she can't do that, she'll at least wear a black bra under a white t-shirt.

I've repeatedly told Destiny that she cannot wear her black bras under white or other light clothing; it shows thru. Each and every time I get a, "Oh, I didn't know." Which one might be inclined to believe if they weren't the one telling her once a week -- and if the kid weren't extremely weirded-out by anything remotely "risque". But after so many times, it's infuriating.

Now oddities about Des aside, and leaving out the "typical power struggles of the pre-teen in Western culture" conversation, we must first deal with the fact that I am step-mom.

As step-mom, it's only "natural" (and I say this because what we call "natural" and "normal" regarding the role of the step-parent in this culture is mainly out-of-whack because as a society we allow and perpetuate it), that she test me. Many times that I've pointed out Des' visible black bra her father has been present -- but said nothing. What's more, he's been the first to see her, send her off to school, without, apparently, noticing it. So understandably she might think that the lack of comment of disapproval on his part is approval by omission, and I, by comparison, am just noise she can ignore.

I needed to get hubby to support my statements.

Step one was to educate him about how serious this was. Not just giving Des the impression that she could divide and conquer, or ignore what I say, but because I see this "bra thing," like the short skirts and boots, to be a safety issue.

He doesn't get it because he's never had to live like a woman.

The fact is that as much as I wish it otherwise, girls and women are held responsible for the actions of boys and men.

I'm not (only) talking about date rape ("She went on a date with him, didn't she?" "Why else would she let him in her apartment?" "She was dating him for so long... it can't be rape."), or "real rape" ("What was she wearing?" "What was she doing in that parking lot?" "What is her job?") -- and don't even get me started talking about domestic violence!

And I'm not some alarmist prude either, imagining every boy, man-child and man as a sex predator or abuser. I'm just talking about the facts.

Ever since Allie was in middle school, continuing through high school and Des' start of middle school, I've been getting those notices about how girls should and shouldn't dress at school -- specifically stating things such as no visible bra straps protruding from or sliding out beneath the straps of tank tops. Girls with blossoming buds and young women with full breasts are monitored for the "snugness" of their t-shirts.

Why?

Because the boys in class could be distracted.

We can't have boys running around distracted! And we certainly can't teach them to control themselves. No,no, no. It would be much better if we taught the females, the tempting sinful devils that they are, to behave in ways which do not elicit problematic male responses.

So, like Muslim women who must pray at the back of the mosque so that their prostrated backsides won't distract men from their God, girls and young women here in the US must mind their place and their dress so that boys and young men will not have to be responsible for their own thoughts and actions.

I certainly don't think a young girl needs to display her thong or otherwise dress like a mature sexualized adult, but I am completely against this notion that females are the ones responsible for male thought and action. It makes me furious!

But...

Knowing that this is the world we live in...

That the girl with the showing bra straps is the one who will be sent home -- not the leering boy.

That should some young man touch her, she will not only be the one abused but she will have to defend herself, her actions & her dress -- and, no matter the outcome, she will be the one with a ruined reputation.

Knowing all this, it would be damn-near criminal of me not to protect her from the fall-out of a visible bra.

It's not right, it's not fair; but it's what happens in our world.

And so Des cannot dress as she likes. She (and anyone else) can hate me for it for the rest of her life. But it will be a safer one.

Mother-Daughter Fashion Issues

Got sent this notice for a Mother/Daughter fashion contest:

Do you share clothes with your mother or daughter—but sometimes clash about fashion choices? Tell us about your everyday wardrobe dilemmas and you and your mother or daughter could be the lucky pair to get solutions in a styling session with eBay Style Director, Constance White, and the Family Circle fashion team. Plus, you could win $3,000 for the perfect shareable wardrobe on eBay and a trip to New York City for a photo shoot and the chance to appear in an upcoming issue of Family Circle. For your chance to win, submit a photo or video of you and your mother or daughter, your ages and a short description of your experiences sharing your wardrobe.

I'm posting not just because y'all might find it worth entering or worth killing time reading the stories, but because it once again serves as a reminder just how damn different my relationship is with my Auspie.

Our clothing clashes, even though she is now 19, remain similar to those between parent and toddler: She wants to dress herself, but isn't at all concerned with how she'll look to others. I doubt that any fashion team would have a clue what to do. In fact, it would likely drive them to tears.

Thinking about it nearly drives me to tears.

Feeling Blue? Put On Your Bra & High-Heeled Shoes

It seems lazy fashion habits may be a part of my fatigue and general malaise.

Slip says not wearing a bra can lead to depression -- and while she's got no science to back her up, I'm beginning to see the facts in my own 'working from home' life.

Also, it seems that Slip's found evidence that high-heeled shoes offer health benefits with some super improvements in your sex life too -- not that I'm suffering there. Yet.

But truth be told, while the motivation to work isn't a problem, the reality is that I do not dress like I am at work. While that once seemed a huge part of the appeal of working from home, I'm beginning to see/feel a slide in attitude and yes, I'll admit it, muscle tone. Thanks to Slip, I now have two simple things I can do to help turn things around.

From now on it would be appropriate for you to picture me wearing a bra & stilettos as I sit and type here. I'll have to wear at least a robe, otherwise I'm sure my sex life will consume my work time -- *giggle* -- but for now, it seems this will be my work attire.

Are There Still Bargains At Goodwill?

I remember, in what now seems a lifetime ago, when I started selling on eBay, making the rounds at thrift stores -- especially when the summer ended, taking those yard sales with it. I always went to Goodwill last, and only when desperate for a fix, because it seemed too high-priced. And I never bothered with clothing there. Seems Miss Sniz is heading in that direction too.

I understand that thrift stores wan to turn a buck from their donated goods, so I accept the glass cases with antiques priced beyond my reach (and likely for more than I would have gotten on eBay too); but when clothes are priced too high, they really should reconsider...

Because when it comes to thrift shop clothing, the thrift shop customer is also part of the community they are serving -- and that's how those donate see what they are doing. If you price clothing too high, then what's the point?

Laundry: A Holiday Gift

The holidays include laundry. Not just the pretty velvet dresses and fancy holly berry hot pads, but the gifts of laundry. You might call them gifts of clothing, but as The Momma, I know what they are: more laundry.

Since they are gifts, they are often less than practical items, requiring special washing instructions. For the teenage girl there are lycra tops and jackets with velvet trim. For the 9 year old girl, sweaters and pjs with feather trim, and countless tops and even jeans with sequins. Hubby receives dressier shirts, some with silk content, and a few sweaters with textures which warn me of special care needs.

I used to peek at the labels for care instructions as the gifts were opened. But no longer. I remember the Christmas of 2001, when I was caught looking at the labels for washing instructions. Not wanting to appear like the slave to fabric content that I am, I blurted "I'm just checking the sizes." My mom, convinced was implying the clothes wouldn't fit, waved her hands about - complete with shrill squeaking in self defense: "I shopped off my your list! I only bought the sizes you had written!"

The shockwaves were still felt in Christmas 2002 & 2003.

So now, I no longer read tags at gift openings. I wait until item appear in the laundry.

This greatly slows laundry time. Normally, as The Momma, I know instantly the bulk of her black cotton/ramie hand-wash-flat-dry sweater, the slip of his hand-wash-reshape casual-dress shirt, the pattern of her hand-wash turquoise sequined blouse (even when inside out) and know that if it is here, the matching sequin jeans likely are as well...

But with new items, it's read every darn tag for instructions, until eventually, I equally match their weight, texture & color with their care instructions. I study them well, so that eventually, I'll recognize them all by sight & touch, and know their special quirks of care. I'll even know the very blue of her jacket with velvet - and as it turns out, silk - applique, so that I may rescue it from the laundry & move it to the dry clean only pile. I'll of course wash like colors as I can. And if the lavender feathered pajamas, by virtue of color & content, require the first few washings on their own, I'll do that too. All in the name of laundry safety.

Every now & then, a grandma will give the girls a 'just because' gift. Often without my knowledge, it will appear in the laundry pile, and a new bulky sweater, by absence of large silver snaps, an over-sized zipper, a special belt or hood, will be mistaken for 'the usual' sweaters - ones which do not require special care. This too has happened with other special care items hiding in the family laundry... Now too small for our children yet too large for Bratz dolls, or wrinkled beyond recognition, these dark secrets languish in the laundry room between items which need buttons & mending and items which need ironing.

Perhaps not coincidentally, to the left are the stacked boxes of holiday decorations & linens.