Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Selfish, Just Selfish

As promised, I am back to post my serious thoughts to my middle child's mom getting married to suddenly.

Who does this to a child?

Who wakes up one morning and decides to make a major life decision? A 'free spontaneous person' might, I suppose. But when you are a parent, decisions like this affect your children. You may have the right to do such a thing, but that doesn't mean you should do so.

Des, the middle child, had no clue this was coming. She didn't know that mom was dating this man -- she thoght he was just a friend. Strange, because Des has told us before of mom's past boyfriends, engagments & break ups... Yet she knew nothing of this 'plan.'

Not only does this marriage affect Des, but her little brother. And her new step-father has a little 4 year old girl as well.

Based on Destiny's reaction, my guess is (and this is all I have here) that none of the children knew they were about to become family.

But it get's worse.

At the wedding, when all 3 kids are introduced to not just the idea of becoming family, but new family members themselves, they are at this time notified that they all will be moving as well. Neither husband nor wife has a space large enough for their new family, so they are moving.

Way to go, parents. Let's drop as many bombs as possible at once. This is the sort of security children need & crave.

...I am just waiting to hear that there's a new baby on the way too...

Now, admittedly, I know very little of these people. I do not know what lies in their hearts, their minds. But I do see their actions. And I do see how at least one child in this situation feels. It's written in her eyes. And I'm sure as time passes, she will grow in the ability to form questions based on all of this. Since I do not know the people, the parents, involved in this situation, I cannot give her answers. I cannot reassure anything other than the status of our home, our family.

Since I do not speak with these people often, I try to think fairly that they have 'their reasons,' and remember 'who am I to judge?'

But I do know this: Destiny's mom called on Sunday to discuss where to pick Destiny up after he weekend visit with mom et all... she joked about things, gave directions, but not once did she mention what was going on -- why all the sudden changes. She didn't tell me, she didn't tell dad. It was as if their actions needed no explanation, no reasoning was involved.

So I do not know part A, but I do know part B:

'Who am I to judge?' I'm the step-mom. The one who has the duty to care for her daughter. The one who loves her daughter & worried about her -- even when mom seems oblivious to it all.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

"I Just Found Out"

It's just another rainy Thursday morning. We were scheduled to have another rummage sale (even had an ad in the paper), but when we awoke to a grey sky spewing water, we posted a sign with a 'rain date' and said we'd move on to other things.

We spend most of the morning talking shop, and then the hubby's cell phone told him he had voice mail (my thoughts on the stupidity of technology reserved for a later date). He calls in to listen to the 'missed call,' and then...

"Hi, it's (the ex-wife), I just found out I am getting married today."

She continues with her message inviting us to her wedding in the park (see opening paragraph on the weather), but frankly, I'm shocked. No, I am laughing. Laughing my a** off.

I mean, come on, you don't "just find out" you're getting married. And this is her phrasing. Repeated over & over again, as in "...again, I just found out, you are getting all the notice I'm getting".


Perhaps this was making things clearer for her, but it only made things that much more odd. I'll be back with my rational mommie thoughts in a bit, but for now, let's just enjoy the moment...

Top 5 Possible Scenarios In Which You Discover You Are Getting Married Today

Ed McMahon Shows Up At Your Door With Balloons And Invitation
And you don't even remember entering the contest.

Your Mail Order Groom Arrives With A 2 Days Left On His Green Card
There's no time to think, just 'do!'

You're Difficult To Throw A Surprise Birthday Party For
Your birthday's in January, your pals figure you'll never see this whole wedding thing coming.

You've Been Ignoring The 'Yellow' Notices In The Mail, But Now That You've Got A 'Pink' Notice, You Open It
Like those notices from the power company... Finally the warnings are over, and you have to comply.

You're Application For Survivor Found It's Way Into A FOX Producer's Hands
(Let's hope the cash compensation is worth it.)