Get Those Babies Ready For Spring!

I don't blog much about babies; it's been years since I've had any, and my advice all seems old hat. But when I spot a product line that I wish was around back in the day I was lugging babies & toting toddlers, I have to mention it.

Cozy Cover is a Minnesota company offering some great new items that make taking baby out and about easier and safer. First, there are nifty (and cozy) covers that go over infant carriers. The original designs are for warmth, but, just in time for Spring, there are new arrivals for protecting baby from sunlight, rain, and bugs.

Perhaps most exciting are the other products designed to make life with a baby a less clunky, more portable, affair.

The On-The-Go Changing Pad is a much smaller version of the old diaper bag. Along with the necessary diaper changing pad, there are expandable pockets for diapers, creams and wipes, and a zippered pocket for keys keys, I.D. card, and the like. The Velcro handle allows for it to be attached to stroller etc., which means less weight on your shoulders.

The Portable Easy Seat means no more packing up the highchair -- or hoping one is available at the restaurant. Simply unfold the Portable Easy Seat from it's matching carrying bag, and convert any chair with a back into a safe place for baby to sit. The 5 point safety harness and adjustable back keeps baby secure.

 

Cozy Cover products are also available at Amazon -- which is especially great for Prime members!

(If you are not a member of Amazon Prime, get a free trial here.)

Teaching Baby To Read

Those "teach baby to read" programs that you see and hear advertised are not as new as you might think...

Here's a retro example i just spotted in a thrift shop: Glenn Doman's Better Baby Reading Program kit, produced in part by Encyclopedia Britannica. This kit dates to the 1980s; and there's evidence this all works. (Like everything else, though, moderation and not pushing are key.)

On Kids & Collecting

Collecting is a self-directed activity about passion. In our world of (sometimes overly) scheduled activities, the meandering, self-directed, self-motivated journey of collecting is quite foreign to many -- including children. They go from school, to organized activity to another organized activity. Even video games have pretty rigid rules (at least if you want to win!). And so the free-wheeling dealings (free-stylin’, as the American Pickers say) of collecting can seem incredibly foreign to many.

It's rather a shame, as kids, including special needs kids, can learn a lot from collecting -- everything from how to handle money to becoming becoming self-starters, and even create more nerds (and the world needs more nerds!).

To help parents and others encourage children to collect, I've written Ten Ways To Encourage Kids To Collect.

Breastfeeding In Public

The United States Breastfeeding Committee (USBC) officially declared August as National Breastfeeding Month and The Bump is celebrating by designating August 15 as Public Display of Breastfeeding (PDB) day.

There are lots of conflicting issues surrounding breastfeeding for moms -- from body image and sexuality to personal feelings about privacy in intimate moments -- and I've no desire to add to any pressures to make a mom feel like she has to breastfeed in public. But I do recall feeling isolated and shunned simply for doing what was natural and healthy for my baby, i.e. having to hide while breastfeeding my baby just so other people wouldn't freak out. Which is damn silly. Avert your eyes if you are so uncomfortable! So I'm all for making breastfeeding less of a cultural taboo and making mothers pariahs along the way. If breastfeeding is something you feel better about doing privately, that's your choice -- but let's make it a choice, not something women and their children are forced to do in secret.

Last month, in preparation for this public awareness campaign, The Bump placed a call for photos and videos of moms breastfeeding in public, so I'm guessing we'll be seeing those images soon.

Bullying At & By Schools

When you're the parent of a special needs child, you become accustomed to butting heads with school (medical, mental health, etc.) professionals. Primarily this is because you know your child better than they do. But it's also because you know other people's kids -- and other adults -- better than most do.

So when I read the "astonishing" study that says children with autism are three times more likely to be bullied, my first thought was, "Only three times more?"

Children with autism (ASD), and others who experience frequent meltdowns and inflexibility, are often easy targets for bullies. The general lack of teaching tolerance, understanding, and simple kindness coupled with the fact that these children are easy to get a big reaction out of has obvious appeal for those lacking in maturity and respect.

But this is only part of the problem.

Children with special needs, especially those with non-physical or invisible issues, are also likely to suffer a unique type of bullying: To be blamed for things they did not do.

Kids know the stakes, the rankings in classrooms and elsewhere. They quickly learn to manipulate the power structure by telling a teacher or adult that it was a special needs kid who did something wrong -- those kids are either always in trouble for behaviors or assumed to be capable of some wrong choice due to their difficulties, so teachers and others fall for the scapegoating in spite of how the child with special needs protests. (This also means that when a child with ASD or other diagnosis reports bullying, the complaint will not be taken seriously.)

In fact, kids will often just threaten to blame in order to get things their way, with such taunts as, "Who do you think they'll believe, you or me?" Unfortunately, I've even seen this sort of disgrace in my own family first hand.

But there's more.

According to the study, children with ASD are also "bully-victims", meaning they are children who have been bullied and also behave as bullies, or at least can be viewed as a bully.

Researchers believe that the deficits in social understanding common in children with ASD may lead to bullying behavior by the child that is different than that displayed by typically developing children. For example, an honest but socially unacceptable remark such as, “You’re fat,” by the child with ASD may be viewed by others as purposely cruel when it is not. Likewise, a child with ASD who is accidentally bumped into might misinterpret this as intentional, and lash out in a way that looks like bullying.

Doesn't this also mean that the child with ASD or other difficulty is likely to face accusations of bullying and the consequences? Even if only an "educational discussion", it's sure to add additional suffering to their day.

Can you begin to imagine how upsetting all this is? Even without autism or other issue, a person would be prone to meltdowns!

And the number of meltdowns matter because now eight states are sending autistic, mentally retarded, and emotionally troubled kids to a facility that punishes them with painful electric shocks!

Yes, it's 2012 and we're giving kids electric shock treatments.

What's next? Lobotomies? Stonings?

Maybe Erika Christakis is right; maybe we Americans do hate our kids.

I've known for a long time that children have been devalued, and women (especially single mothers) right along with them; but I hadn't thought we actually hated kids.

It's bad enough that bullies exist in schools; do we have to create institutionalized bullying too?

Teaching Tolerance?

(I wrote this well-over a decade ago; please excuse excessive use of quotes.)

Officials claim that including special needs children in the activities of the general student population, called 'mainstreaming,' is best for these children as they must learn to cope with and function in 'society' at some point. According to them, being in the general school setting prepares them for future jobs and other life skills. I am one parent that questions this structure.

From the point of view of a parent of a child with special needs, I see how the system fails those students in the same manner that they fail the general student body.

The average school day for a special needs child contains more frustrations than the average child's day. This is because along with the greater difficulty in mastering skills, there is the added social pressure of knowing others are not struggling as they are. And, there is the social stigma of being 'one of those' children.

I remember being in grade school, and I remember those few students who were with the class part of the day, and gone for other parts. We never knew what they left for. Our questions were dismissed with the word 'different.' No one told us what made these children different, or what they did when they left.

At some point in our young minds, those classmates themselves were dismissed as our questions were, and eventually, the word 'different' soon took on the synonymous meaning of weird.

And it is the same way today.

These 'different and weird' children desire to play, and talk and share, just as the 'normal' children do. They learn how to socialize, be supportive, work as a team, and more when interacting with others in forms of play. But special needs children are avoided due to the stigmas attached to them.

While this of course is not extremely pleasant for those 'different' children, it is not really fair to any student. For if mainstreaming is supposed to help children learn to deal with society, shouldn't these children be learning how to deal with each other? Shouldn't we be teaching tolerance and understanding, not just for race or religion, but for all people?

If the schools will not make the effort, then it is up to parents to do the educating here. Talk to your children about what it must be like to live in a wheel chair. Tell them that just because a child is different, does not mean a person isn't fun to be with. Discuss with them how a so-called handicap is not a 'bad thing' to be avoided, that while it offers challenges, it often brings something rare, maybe even a new best friend. Ask them how it would feel to never be asked to a classmates birthday party only because people have never taken the time to know who you are...

For one day, all these students, not just those with special needs, will be getting jobs and living in society as a whole. Shouldn't all students need to learn about differences, understanding and tolerance? Who can say if in the next few years the mechanic working on your son's car won't be able to hear, or if your daughter's boss may have ADD?

Preparing your child now on how to deal with all sorts of people ensures them a more successful future, in every aspect.

Classroom Decor In Special Ed

Dean Traylor gives tips on decor in special education classrooms. While primarily focused on ADD/ADHD, there's plenty of food for thought.

People With Disabilities Have Sex Too

At the Huffington Post, Kaleigh Trace posts an impassioned editorial about persons with disabilities having sex lives. While an overall excellent article, there's a sad lack of addressing those with disabilities other limits other than physical.

I posted a comment, which is still pending; this is what I wrote:

I applaud this article. It's sad that such subjects still need to be addressed, but also sadder still that you failed to mention those people with disabilities other than physical. As the parent of a special needs child, on the Autism spectrum, I struggle with getting professionals and other parents to address this very real matter. I know talking about raising sexually educated children is frowned upon in general here in the USA, but it's a reality. A reality that special needs kids must also face. And I really wished that had been mentioned in your article too.

Beautiful Memories Of A Lost Sibling

As far as I can tell, this is the source of this gripping photo and story:

This is a photo of my sister at age one and me at five. This is the only picture I have where I am holding her.

She died a decade later after this photo taken. It shows the strength of a child who was born physically and mentally disable and her motivation to keep living. She never gave up till the day she died. She survived longer than the doctors predicted. Even on this day, she will always be the strength and courage my family needs to keep living.

I share this beautiful, and, yes, sad story to remind us that even when the most fragile amongst us leave too soon, they are remembered.

Please, go read the rest. And if you're on Tumblr, every reblog results in a donation to the children with Microcephaly Foundation.

Baby Issues Matter Past The Newborn Years

While my babies are no longer babies, the Three Controversial Topics in Motherhood Worth Confronting, breastfeeding, cord blood banking, and vaccinations, are issues that matter to all of us. Not just moms either. For these issues of health matter to us all.

I Could Just Eat You Up, Nephew!

My nephew Nicholas is my cookie boy. Ever since he was an itty-bitty babe, I've been nibbling on him 'cuz he's so sweet. Thankfully, I have not made it into the newspapers as this poor aunt did!

From The Onion:

Aunt Threatens To Devour Helpless Newborn's Toes

WALDEN, TN—While family members stood silently by and did nothing, visiting aunt Debbie Koeler proclaimed her desire to consume the "tiny little toesies" of her nephew Daniel, a powerless infant less than one-fifth her size, after the child's christening Sunday. "Who's my little sugar pie? I could just eat you right up," Koeler threatened as she held the vulnerable child above her cavernous mouth and simulated the impending act of cannibalism on his tiny, dangling legs. "I've gotcha! I've gotcha! Yes I do! Yes I do!" Koeler then returned the confused and speechless newborn to the bouncy seat, prodded his abdomen, and disappeared behind her own hands.

Singing Moms

Did you ever notice that as a mother you have all these little odd sayings... Weird sing-songy ways of announcing bed time, meal time, to comfort your children, etc. I wrote about just that over here.

Not All Balloons Are "Hot Air"

For every MyOwnPet balloon purchased from this page, $5 will go directly to help Canines for Disabled Kids.

NOTE: MyOwnPet Balloons are shipped flat and must be helium-filled. They can be inflated at most florists, party and gift stores and many supermarkets (at NO charge) and, in the event they become soft over time, they can be refilled.

Vintage Thoughts On Child's Play, Toys & Friends

Inside Variety Fair: A Household Digest (copyright 1948, Community Services, Inc.; my copy book published by and presumed to be a fund-raiser for the American Legion Auxiliary, Benjamin A. Remmele Unit No. 7, Sleepy Eye, Minnesota), a section on children:

Choice Of Companions

A child needs freedom in choosing his companions. Adults dictating to the child as to whom he can play with, results in his being especially desirous of playing with those his parents consider unfit. The parents should try to get associated with his playmate, perhaps they misjudged the child. It may take seeing the playmate in his own home to bring the fact to his attention that he isn't a suitable playmate.

Play is the young child's means of learning, for through it he develops physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially. He needs the kinds of play experiences that will contribute to his best growth.

Much of the child's play is patterned after the activities of the adults around him. He likes to pretend that he is a father, a doctor, a train conductor, a garbage man, or any one of hundreds of other characters. The toys he needs for such play consists of housekeeping materials, dress-up clothes, empty cartons and cans that he can use in a "grocery store," dolls, and any other materials that can help him to carry out his interests. Ingenious adults can be helpful in furnishing just the right material at just the right time if they are alert to the child's imaginings.

There should be a place to put the child's toys. Shelves are much more satisfactory than boxes for storage because they allow the child to see all his toys and to get the one he wants without having to more others. If his toys are in a box he may have to take everything on top out to reach the toy which is at the bottom. This is a discouraging process and is not conducive to his learning to put away his playthings.

Later in childhood a child likes to have a place to call his own, where he can go for recreation when he wants to be alone; he needs a place in which he can be solitary at times.

Families who play together are likely to live together successfully. The older child can do much toward planning family good times. Given the responsibility for such planning, he may discover that his family members are much more interesting people than he has realized.

This Just In... Of Tutus & Hotties

From the "Everyday odd and even cute things kids do and say" files...

The 15 year old daughter bought a tutu. Black, of course. I've got $50 that says she won't wear it to school -- or more than a few times to the mall with girlfriends who are also wearing their tutus.

But then again, where can a 15 year old wear a tutu in public? She may have retro 80s fantasies and the fashions to prove it; but she's got nowhere to go and show it.

Come to think of it, I have the same problem...

The 11 year old son has a crush on Christina Applegate. Bio-father lets him watch Married... With Children and so he met her as Kelly Bundy. *heavy sigh* Applegate's got a new show airing this fall: Up All Night, with Will Arnett and Maya Rudolph (who hubby and I have been insisting for years we all should be seeing more of). Upon seeing an ad for the new series, the son's excitement to see her is obvious.

In order to delicately insert the concept of Applegate as a person, not an object, I first say how I think she's a great comedian. But I don't think the son gets where I am going; he's got that glazed look and says something about her being "hot."

My heavy sighs are close to becoming growls. So I try again.

I try to go for completely humanizing the hottie with a, "Did you know Christina Applegate is a cancer survivor? She even had a breast removed due to it."

(Actually, Applegate had both breasts removed; but that correction only appears here for accuracy.)

"She did?" he replies, eyes now wide open in many ways.

"Yes."

"Did it grow back?"

Sorry, folks, but we, the bad parents, burst out in laughter. We couldn't help ourselves.

But faced with his earnest concerned face we did recover quickly. We explained that humans are not lizards, that she looks fine because there are bras, breast forms, etc. she can use. And, yeah, I snuck in a comment or two about why parents -- especially moms -- are so insistent about wearing helmets, caring for your body, safety, etc.  Because things don't grow back. No matter how much we want them to.

Rummage Sale In Fargo Today & Tomorrow

If you live in the Fargo-Moorhead area, check out our rummage sale at 14 6th Avenue N in Fargo.

Lots of kids books, games and toys, and kids clothes -- including new snowpants, rocker tees, boy's shorts (boys sizes 8 to 12-ish), Green Bay Packer shirts, girl's pajamas, girl's jeans (some with tags even!) All just 50 cents each.

In fact, everything's 50 cents unless marked, so come on down!

We're open until at least 6 pm tonight and open again at 9 am (til 6-ish) Saturday too.

Also:

* boy's bike: newer Harley-Davidson bicycle $20 (or best offer)
* a Spiderman skateboard ($5)

Plenty of miscellaneous, including vintage and collectibles -- and a hella amount of Christmas items.

A Little Update: The Niece Visits

Last weekend my eight year old niece, Maddy, was here. My parents brought her up for a weekend visit. She's raised with continuous entertainment in a much larger house -- I mean our entire house, from attic to basement, would fit in their "great room." So I expected some sort of culture shock.

There were a lot of pronouncements of, "I'm bored." But I didn't expect that three minutes into a 6 minute drive to dinner for her to announce her boredom. It was her way of demanding a DVD to play or something.

But our kids know the drill and suggested she amuse herself by looking out the window.

Maddy responded ad follows:

"Red car. White car. Another red car."

"House."

"House."

"Blue car."

I responded with a twist on the old "Looking is with the eyes," usually reserved for not touching in stores. "Looking is with the eyes, not the mouth," I said.

Maddy was silent.

But you could feel her displeasure. *wink*

She also learned that pet birds make a lot of noise. She was fascinated by Luke, our cockatiel, but immeasurably annoyed by his chirps and bird-talk; she dramatically shushed him all the time.


I guess her dad can thank me when the pleading for a pet bird stops. *wink*

Overall, it was a great visit. She loved our "full of neat stuff" little house. (She's not used to so many books and knick-knacks; my sister's house is much more minimalist.) And she quickly caught on to entertaining herself by doing things like painting (I had literally given her a box of rocks for her birthday -- a rock painting kit she brought along), riding bikes and hanging out in the attic "fort."

On the way back home, Maddy told my parents that she missed "those people." So I guess we were a hit!

My mother replied to her sad commentary on loss of us by saying, "That's what vacations are; lots of fun but then you go home to the people you love."

Maddy responded by saying she sure missed, Carly, their dog. Ha!

Have You Heard? Go The F To Sleep

I doubt you missed the fabulous Go The F**k To Sleep book and video read by Samuel L. Jackson, but there's also an interview with the author, Adam Mansbach, here.

Give The Gift Of Summer Vacations

The Fresh Air Fund is in need of 1200 host families for this summer. Host families are volunteers who open their hearts and homes to children from the city to give them a Fresh Air experience that can change lives -- in just days!

What About Good Manners?

I recently had yet another conversation with our children regarding etiquette -- how it's not "snobby things" designed to make people feel bad or out of their class, but just the opposite.

The rules of etiquette are guidelines for getting along; little niceties we extend to one another to avoid upset and rules for everyone so that we all can get along in social situations. While it's true that some of these rules seem fancy, or from a formal time long gone, they primarily exist so that groups of people can avoid offending one another and avoid conflict. Avoiding conflict is key when living as a group or community, including as a family.

I was reminded of these conversations when I saw 25 Manners Every Kid Should Know By Age 9.

It's amazing the number of children who do not know or extend the courtesy of following these rules -- and I feel this adds to the feeling of entitlement in children that I wrote about here (and for which I was interviewed at The Globe and Mail). Even more amazing the number of parents who do not bother to teach their children these or any other basic good manners; they rather doom their families to less pleasant living conditions -- and sentence their children to becoming disrespectful, selfish, entitled beings who will not get along with others.

I've lots more to say about this; but today the eldest turns 22, so I'm off to prepare for the birthday barbecue!