Showing posts with label books. Show all posts
Showing posts with label books. Show all posts
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Linguistics and the Study of Comics
Because I've talked about comics and autism as well as comics and literacy here, I thought you might be interested in this review of Linguistics and the Study of Comics (edited by Frank Bramlett).
Monday, December 12, 2011
Why Your Bra Doesn't Fit & How To Fix That
If you missed my interview with bra coach Ali Cudby (part one, part two), then you probably didn't hear about her new book, Busted! The FabFoundations Guide To Bras That Fit, Flatter and Feel Fantastic -- or heard that there's a contest to win signed copies of the book. Well, now you know. *wink*
Today's the last day to enter.
Today's the last day to enter.
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
Back To School: Win A Copy Of Surban Diva's Book!
There are many ways to enter...
To Enter:
* Follow me on Twitter: @DPopTart. (Please leave your Twitter username in your comment so I can check.)
and/or
* Tweet the following:
I entered @DPopTart's contest to win a FREE book by @Subdiva! http://t.co/BQyH9NP(Remember to come back here and leave a comment with your tweet for me to verify.)
You may tweet your entry once a day.
and/or
* Friend me on Face Book: Deanna Dahlsad. (When making the request, note that you are entering the contest.)
and/or
* Post about this contest at your blog or website -- if you do this you must include in your post to this contest post or Motherhood Metamorphosis in general.
(Please include the link to your blog post in the comments section so that I can find your post.)
and/or
* Post your entry as a comment -- if you do this, please make sure I've got your email address, because if you're the winner I'll need your email address to contact you regarding your shipping information.
Here's the giveaway fine print:
* Giveaway is open to US residents only
* Be sure that you leave your email so that I can contact you
* Contest ends September 15, 2011; entries must be made on or before midnight, central time, September 14, 2011. Winners will be announced/contacted on September 16, 2011. Winners have 48 hours to respond; otherwise, I'll draw another name.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Have You Heard? Go The F To Sleep
I doubt you missed the fabulous Go The F**k To Sleep book and video read by Samuel L. Jackson, but there's also an interview with the author, Adam Mansbach, here.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Survey Says My Family's Not So Strange After All
According to a national survey commissioned by SleepBetter.org and conducted by Ipsos Public Affairs, one in four Americans (23%) say that Goodnight Moon is their all-time favorite bedtime story. The study also says that moms are doing the bedtime story reading 3-to-1 over dads. But what's most surprising, to me anyway, is the fact that even more popular among young children (age 7 or younger) than bedtime classic Goodnight Moon are the stories that their parents make up themselves!Now our family has a long tradition of making up stories -- not only at bedtime, but we share them at the breakfast table, and when we spend time with extended family (holidays, etc.) we spend time sitting around making up stories together: One person starts with the first sentence, the next person adds the next line, etc., and you go around the room with each person adding a sentence until the story is finished. (Warning: This is where family issues will be aired; the little brother will mock his sister, mom will mock dad, grandma will mock mom, etc. -- which is all in good fun, unless your participating teens are surly.)
Anyway, I just thought that our kids liked our stories and storytelling time because, well, frankly, because they were weird. ...Apples not falling far from the tree, and all that. *wink*
But it turns out, this sort of "weird" is in the majority -- making us all "normal."
Now The Bedtimes Stories Project is collecting these stories in their Sleepy Tales Book.
To encourage folks to submit their original family bedtime stories (all authors retain the copyrights to their stories), The Bedtime Project's got the incredible Betty White involved! (You know I adore Betty White!)Not only has Betty even written her very own bedtime story, Sleep Better Snowball!, but she'll be reading from the Sleepy Tales Book -- and she may also read one of the submitted bedtime stories!
If you you want your story to be evaluated as one of the stories that Betty White will read from at the May 26th event in L.A., you need to submit your story by midnight EST Sat. May 22, 2010.
Also, by the end of the program in July, one story will be selected to inspire an illustration by noted artist Bill Nelson. The deadline for a chance to have your story illustrated by Nelson is midnight EST, Wednesday June 30, 2010.
So submit you family's story asap. Who knows, it could win a really cool honor! Stranger things -- like our kids liking our made-up stories -- have happened. *wink*
Thursday, March 04, 2010
Was Boo Radley Autistic?
DMFP contemplates if Arthur "Boo" Radley in To Kill a Mockingbird was on the spectrum:
You'll have to read the rest to discover her conclusions. And you'll have to post a comment to let us know yours.
He's shy. He likes children and the only time we see him comfortable in the story is when he's walking back to his home, Scout's hand in his.
But he stabbed someone in the leg, casually, without emotion. While collecting clippings for a scrapbook. He chooses odd ways to let someone know he likes them, leaving a strange assortment of bits and pieces in the hollow of the tree. It's a distant and unusual method of communication. And he knows enough to defend the innocent from impending danger. He's uncomfortable with lights and with talking to people.
The adults in the book consistently describe Boo as "harmless" and "innocent," in spite of the event with the scissors. The children and more dramatic neighbors manufacture dire tales of his yellow teeth and propensity to eat small mammals raw, but the people in the story whom we trust the most trust Boo and believe that he, at the core, is a good person, just kind of odd.
You'll have to read the rest to discover her conclusions. And you'll have to post a comment to let us know yours.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Preventing Sexual Child Abuse
Studies show that 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be molested and, in many cases, children suffer in silence, allowing the abuse to both continue and escalate. When parents and care givers remain silent about abuse, they communicate that silence, that taboo, to their children. It may not be the adult's intended message, but that's the one children receive.
Parents and adults need to be educating children as a means to prevent the worst and to give our victimized children the tools to confront the truth.
Jill Starishevsky has, as Assistant District Attorney in New York City, prosecuted hundreds of sex offenders and dedicated her career to seeking justice for victims of child abuse and sex crime, and she wants to put an end to the silence which perpetuates the sexual abuse of children with her book, My Body Belongs To Me a picture book (illustrated by Sara Muller).
The book, intended to be read to children 3-8 years of age, aims to help educate kids about their rights to their own bodies and how to respond if someone should violate their rights.
The illustrations and language are amazingly nonthreatening, focusing on rights and experience from a child's point of view.
Even when the child is inappropriately touched, the book remains nonthreatening. It's simply a matter of the child telling a parent or a teacher of the experience, the adult believing them and comforting them. It addresses the matter of secret keeping and ends with the child saying, "I know it wasn't my fault and I did nothing wrong. This is my body, and I'm growing big and strong."
Following the story, a list of helpful resources as well as suggestions for the storyteller, to help them move past the story into age and developmentally appropriate discussions with their children.
Sexual abuse is a difficult subject few want to address with their children for fear of letting the boogey man out of the closet. But if the realities of such real world horrors are not addressed -- and addressed as honestly and openly as the danger of crossing streets, properly using the toilet, etc. -- then children will not know what to do when bad things happen to such good little people. (It is my wish that the author next turns her skills to that of educating kids about the issues of physical and emotional child abuse and domestic violence as well.)
Every parent, grandparent, child care giver, should have a copy of My Body Belongs To Me -- and should read it with the children in their lives. The book does no good sitting on a shelf, like a good intention; practice, in this case, makes for prevention.
My Body Belongs To Me can be purchased at Amazon and at the book's official website.
Note: I received my review copy from the author; other than saving it for it's personal inscription, this changes nothing in my review philosophy or policy (as regular readers will note).
Parents and adults need to be educating children as a means to prevent the worst and to give our victimized children the tools to confront the truth.
Jill Starishevsky has, as Assistant District Attorney in New York City, prosecuted hundreds of sex offenders and dedicated her career to seeking justice for victims of child abuse and sex crime, and she wants to put an end to the silence which perpetuates the sexual abuse of children with her book, My Body Belongs To Me a picture book (illustrated by Sara Muller).The book, intended to be read to children 3-8 years of age, aims to help educate kids about their rights to their own bodies and how to respond if someone should violate their rights.
The illustrations and language are amazingly nonthreatening, focusing on rights and experience from a child's point of view.
This is my body,
and it belongs just to me.
I have knees and elbows
and lots of parts you see.
Other parts I have
are not in open view.
I call them my private parts,
of course you have them too.
Even when the child is inappropriately touched, the book remains nonthreatening. It's simply a matter of the child telling a parent or a teacher of the experience, the adult believing them and comforting them. It addresses the matter of secret keeping and ends with the child saying, "I know it wasn't my fault and I did nothing wrong. This is my body, and I'm growing big and strong."
Following the story, a list of helpful resources as well as suggestions for the storyteller, to help them move past the story into age and developmentally appropriate discussions with their children.
Sexual abuse is a difficult subject few want to address with their children for fear of letting the boogey man out of the closet. But if the realities of such real world horrors are not addressed -- and addressed as honestly and openly as the danger of crossing streets, properly using the toilet, etc. -- then children will not know what to do when bad things happen to such good little people. (It is my wish that the author next turns her skills to that of educating kids about the issues of physical and emotional child abuse and domestic violence as well.)
Every parent, grandparent, child care giver, should have a copy of My Body Belongs To Me -- and should read it with the children in their lives. The book does no good sitting on a shelf, like a good intention; practice, in this case, makes for prevention.
My Body Belongs To Me can be purchased at Amazon and at the book's official website.
Note: I received my review copy from the author; other than saving it for it's personal inscription, this changes nothing in my review philosophy or policy (as regular readers will note).
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Parenting the Nearly-Grown
This post is a guest post by journalist & author Masha Hamilton; as the parent of special needs children, I find myself facing these issues with what I feel is even more complexity & anxiety...
Not long after the second of my three children was born, I sat at the kitchen table late one evening talking to my dad about parental responsibility. It’s a big topic and we were covering lots of philosophical ground, but what I remember most is my pronouncement that my primary job could be boiled down quite simply and starkly: I had to keep safe these beings released into my charge. I needed to keep them alive.
These were the musings of a new parent, of course. The circumstances, too, should be considered; the first child had been born in Jerusalem during the intefadeh, and the second was born as I was reporting from Moscow during the collapse of Communism. In both situations, I repeatedly came face-to-face with life’s fragility.
But even in calmer times, even after the birth of my third child, I never lost the feeling that my main duty was to pass them on into adulthood as unscathed as possible, as healthy in every way as they could be.
It sounds pretty simple, on the face of it. We perform many jobs as parents: nurturers, playmates, cheerleaders, short-order cooks, nurses, disciplinarians, detectives, spiritual leaders. Keeping them safe should not be the hardest, not with the help of baby monitors, plastic devices to cover electrical outlets, pads for sharp corners, child-proof medicine bottles, the list goes on.
And in fact, we passed through well, with just the usual rounds of stitches, one violent dog attack, a rabies scare and a few months when my youngest fell so often and got so many bumps on his forehead that my husband and I joked someone was surely going to call child services on us.
Now, though, my youngest is 14, and as they’ve grown, I recognize my job has been transformed. It is to give them trust and space so they can develop confidence in their ability to make their own lives. And yet the two oldest, at ages 19 and 20, are in a period of time that seems almost like a parentheses in their lives. They are certainly not children, but nor are they quite adults. Meanwhile, I say and think all the usual things parents have been saying and thinking since—well, perhaps ever since Cicero, whose words I keep taped to my office wall: it’s rougher out there than it was in my time. More chaotic. More violent. More dangerous.
And everyone is writing a book.
It was, in fact, into my latest novel, 31 Hours, that I channeled my fears. Among other things, the novel offered a chance to explore what it means to be the parent of someone on the cusp of adulthood but not yet there. The mother in 31 Hours, Carol, is strong and independent, free of empty nest syndrome, but her maternal intuition is strong and she’s concerned about her 21-year-old son’s growing emotional distance, the way he seems tense and depressed. Her fears are amorphous and hard to convey; nevertheless, as she lies awake in the dark, she decides to trust the hunch that something is wrong, and to spend the next day trying to track her son Jonas down and “mother him until he shrugs her off.”
There are many themes in the novel, but one question it asks—one pertinent to all parents and one I’m still trying to answer for myself—is this: after years of being vigilant and protecting our kids, what should we do—and what are we allowed to do—to keep them safe once they are nearly, but not quite, grown?
Hamilton's book, 31 Hours, is available now -- I'll be reading & reviewing the book shortly, so I'm saving my comments for the review (so as not to talk the issue to death before I read the novel). You could win a copy if you submit a story about when your intuition has been right about your child.
Parenting the Nearly-Grown
“Times are bad. Children no longer obey their parents, and everyone is writing a book.” Roman philosopher and orator Marcus Tullius Cicero, 106-43 B.C.
Not long after the second of my three children was born, I sat at the kitchen table late one evening talking to my dad about parental responsibility. It’s a big topic and we were covering lots of philosophical ground, but what I remember most is my pronouncement that my primary job could be boiled down quite simply and starkly: I had to keep safe these beings released into my charge. I needed to keep them alive.
These were the musings of a new parent, of course. The circumstances, too, should be considered; the first child had been born in Jerusalem during the intefadeh, and the second was born as I was reporting from Moscow during the collapse of Communism. In both situations, I repeatedly came face-to-face with life’s fragility.
But even in calmer times, even after the birth of my third child, I never lost the feeling that my main duty was to pass them on into adulthood as unscathed as possible, as healthy in every way as they could be.
It sounds pretty simple, on the face of it. We perform many jobs as parents: nurturers, playmates, cheerleaders, short-order cooks, nurses, disciplinarians, detectives, spiritual leaders. Keeping them safe should not be the hardest, not with the help of baby monitors, plastic devices to cover electrical outlets, pads for sharp corners, child-proof medicine bottles, the list goes on.
And in fact, we passed through well, with just the usual rounds of stitches, one violent dog attack, a rabies scare and a few months when my youngest fell so often and got so many bumps on his forehead that my husband and I joked someone was surely going to call child services on us.
Now, though, my youngest is 14, and as they’ve grown, I recognize my job has been transformed. It is to give them trust and space so they can develop confidence in their ability to make their own lives. And yet the two oldest, at ages 19 and 20, are in a period of time that seems almost like a parentheses in their lives. They are certainly not children, but nor are they quite adults. Meanwhile, I say and think all the usual things parents have been saying and thinking since—well, perhaps ever since Cicero, whose words I keep taped to my office wall: it’s rougher out there than it was in my time. More chaotic. More violent. More dangerous.
And everyone is writing a book.
It was, in fact, into my latest novel, 31 Hours, that I channeled my fears. Among other things, the novel offered a chance to explore what it means to be the parent of someone on the cusp of adulthood but not yet there. The mother in 31 Hours, Carol, is strong and independent, free of empty nest syndrome, but her maternal intuition is strong and she’s concerned about her 21-year-old son’s growing emotional distance, the way he seems tense and depressed. Her fears are amorphous and hard to convey; nevertheless, as she lies awake in the dark, she decides to trust the hunch that something is wrong, and to spend the next day trying to track her son Jonas down and “mother him until he shrugs her off.”
There are many themes in the novel, but one question it asks—one pertinent to all parents and one I’m still trying to answer for myself—is this: after years of being vigilant and protecting our kids, what should we do—and what are we allowed to do—to keep them safe once they are nearly, but not quite, grown?
****
Hamilton's book, 31 Hours, is available now -- I'll be reading & reviewing the book shortly, so I'm saving my comments for the review (so as not to talk the issue to death before I read the novel). You could win a copy if you submit a story about when your intuition has been right about your child.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
I Ordered The Cheeseburger, Not The Cheesebooger
You know how I feel about permissive parents who let their children run amuk...
But sheesh, can't a person eat a meal without having to grind their teeth so as to maintain a polite, but defensive, visage while impolite persons let their 8 year old offspring lean over the shared booth back & pick their noses, threatening you with "flicks" of it on your food? Added joy when you must also listen to their 10 year old "baby girl" scream that her meal isn't coming quickly enough.
Why do parents sit stoically by & do nothing to correct their child's behavior? They see it, but they do nothing -- save for, perhaps, talk loudly on their own cell phones about how annoying & inappropriate their child is, rhetorically adding, "But whatcha gonna do?"
I'll tell you what you can do: Parent your child.
I'm seriously thinking about getting a copy of The Restaurant Rescue Kit & Guide in preparation for my next meal out...
Maybe a big stack of them; then I can write & attach notes that read as follows:
Or maybe they or their bratty kid will throw the book at me and I'll get the copy back.
In any case, my point will clearly have been made; but I bet you a hundred bucks, not one of these parents will feel compelled to actually properly parent.
But sheesh, can't a person eat a meal without having to grind their teeth so as to maintain a polite, but defensive, visage while impolite persons let their 8 year old offspring lean over the shared booth back & pick their noses, threatening you with "flicks" of it on your food? Added joy when you must also listen to their 10 year old "baby girl" scream that her meal isn't coming quickly enough.
Why do parents sit stoically by & do nothing to correct their child's behavior? They see it, but they do nothing -- save for, perhaps, talk loudly on their own cell phones about how annoying & inappropriate their child is, rhetorically adding, "But whatcha gonna do?"
I'll tell you what you can do: Parent your child.
I'm seriously thinking about getting a copy of The Restaurant Rescue Kit & Guide in preparation for my next meal out...
Maybe a big stack of them; then I can write & attach notes that read as follows:
Excuse me, but I could not help but notice -- no matter how desperately I tried! -- that you have neither any control over your child nor the desire to even try to teach them how to behave in public.I'll need a really big stack of these books because once the parent reads the note, I'm sure they'll be so angry at my "audacity" that they won't be polite and return the book when they (or my family & I) are done with their meal.
I can only conclude that your child is the product of permissive parenting & that despite your continued compliance with your offspring's demanding cries of "Entertain me at all times!" you have failed to foresee your child's need to be quietly entertained here and have provided nothing, not even simple conversation, with which to help your child pass the time... Or maybe you just don't give a damn that you & your family are rudely intruding upon the rest of us here.
In any case, please use this book to keep your child busy & entertained in a quiet manner.
No need to thank me; the ability to enjoy my meal is thanks enough.
Or maybe they or their bratty kid will throw the book at me and I'll get the copy back.
In any case, my point will clearly have been made; but I bet you a hundred bucks, not one of these parents will feel compelled to actually properly parent.
Monday, July 06, 2009
Defying Autism? More Like Damning Autism
When asked to participate in the blog tour for Defying Autism by Karen Mayer Cunningham, I responded by saying:
First of all, after 20 years parenting my own child with Asperger's, I've run the gambit, from spiritual to scientific, from dietary to "refrigerator mom" (and even less flattering approaches), only to end up where we are today, with a daughter with serious delays who remains on the spectrum. So I'm more than a little skeptical about "cures for autism."
Secondly, I want to be fair with this book review and provide a disclaimer of my own beliefs as well as documentation of my stance with the folks involved in promoting the book.
A few other reasons will be illuminated along the way.
Defying Autism: A Miraculous Story Of Hope by Karen Mayer Cunningham is an easy to read slim book of 115 pages which, unless you are upset by the material, can easily be read in an hour or two. The first two chapters deal with Karen's return as the prodigal-esque daughter -- and frankly, as I read them, I wondered why they were included in the book. But as we near the end of Biblical proportions, such context adds to the story. For you see, once Karen's son James becomes difficult & is diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum, a large part of Karen's guilt centers around belief that she is, through her son, being punished for being less than perfect.
This is not uncommon among the parents of special needs children; even if you aren't particularly religious. Nor is the reaction/response of Karen's husband, Tom, who accuses Karen of being a bad mother. Guilt is typically the inward path of blame that women take; males tend to externalize their blame. This is a large part of why many marriages between parents of special needs children end in divorce.
If these issues were familiar to me, the problems with school & childcare providers were doubly so.
Like Karen, I'd had to battle schools & utter very real threats of legal actions and media attentions. I'd also had horrible scenes & difficult times with childcare (from baby sitters to childcare centers) because those providing the childcare had no clue what to do. I've faced the same ignorance, accusations & animosity Karen faced -- and then some, because my daughter was actually booted from childcare centers & punished at school, despite her "special ed kid" stamp. So I knew how Karen felt when she & her family were treated so poorly by their church's childcare & the public school.
I sighed & ached as I read of Karen's external battles & internal struggles; it certainly isn't easy parenting special needs children. Especially when the child "looks normal" but then displays otherwise. Like Karen, I've often thought that if my child looked special (had Down's or was in a wheelchair, for example), that more allowances & understanding would be given -- to both the child and the parent. (But I wouldn't, as the author does on page 72, call a classically autistic child "deathly, deathly ill with no hope for a cure.")
Also unlike the author, I've never received any such miracle healing of my child.
It's not that I have not prayed; it's not that others have not prayed for my daughter. It's just that my daughter's situation remains (albeit some advancement due to continuing professional assistance, counseling, medication for sleep/stress, & ongoing education).
Having tried various spiritual treatments (finding them at best supportive to me emotionally -- the power of which should not be underestimated), I am not comfortable suggesting a miracle cure as a way to extend hope to other parents. It's rather dubious, actually. For it is at this point of non-miracle that one must then realize the doorway is open for such questions as:
All of this is not only more guilt for mother ("Are my sins are too great?") but dangerous rhetoric ("Whose God is greater?"). We parents did not "give" our children autism; that's self-defeating and does not support our children. All faiths offer forgiveness and each faith can offer up miracle healings of their own; but still, what a dangerous argumentative path in our times of intolerance.
While I certainly do not begrudge James his healing, Karen her miracle, or anyone their belief in faith, I can, as I do with Jenny McCarthy, remain skeptical & express concern over what is offered as hope but comes with so much rejection. And in this case, it comes with judgment too.
On page 111:
Calling autism a "curse" is more than just dangerous in terms of guilt & religious intolerance; it's damning of the individual with autism.
There are things equal-to or worse than autism (where is God during such "curses" as domestic violence, rape, murder, war?) and many on the spectrum would not change who they are. In fact, some folks, such as my daughter's therapist, call autism a gift. Others might not go so far as to call it a gift (I personally struggle with that label myself; from time to time asking for the gift receipt so that I might exchange my daughter's Asperger's for the singing talent to win American Idol), but, like Horton says, "A person's a person," no matter where they sit on the autism spectrum.
If Defying Autism is, as Powers says, "more for the mothers/parents than about the cure," then the author goes about it all wrong. If this bit, from page 110, doesn't "promise a cure," it sure implies it:
(There's a reason people in the medical field don't promise a cure; they'd get sued.)
As the mother of one child diagnosed Asperger's (and one being screened for the spectrum), I found the condemnation of a "curse" far overshadowing any ability to commiserate, let alone be hopeful. In fact, I found Karen Mayer Cunningham's book inflammatory & antagonizing.
It's difficult to say that even if the author had skipped the whole curse bit if I'd have felt better about the book... But she didn't and the aftertaste is too bitter, too strong.
But I suppose, if you are feeling isolated in parenting a child on the autism spectrum (and are unwilling to get yourself to one of the plethora of online networks or real-world support groups), Defying Autism might help you feel less alone... Similarly, if you've got a relative who just doesn't "get it", this book might help them understand some of your struggles, fears, guilts etc... But for me, suggesting someone learn more about autism by reading a copy of a book that calls my kid "cursed" would be horrific. (Would you call your child in a wheelchair "cursed" or "demonically possessed?" I don't think so.)
In any case, I'd caution readers against expecting a healing miracle.
And you might be better off tearing out page 111 entirely.
I'd be interested in reviewing a copy of this book, possibly interviewing the author... But I must warn you, I'm rather skeptical about this. As the parent of a (now adult) child on the autism spectrum, I'm really a hard sell on cures -- no matter how miraculous.Karen Power of Christian Speaker Services, the one organizing the blog book tour, replied favorably:
Let me know if you/the author are up to the challenge...
I totally understand. And, Karen Mayer Cunningham isn't trying to push the cure. It's her story, her journey, and what she learned along the way. I think it's more for the mothers/parents than about the cure.I have to include this information along with my review for several reasons.
First of all, after 20 years parenting my own child with Asperger's, I've run the gambit, from spiritual to scientific, from dietary to "refrigerator mom" (and even less flattering approaches), only to end up where we are today, with a daughter with serious delays who remains on the spectrum. So I'm more than a little skeptical about "cures for autism."
Secondly, I want to be fair with this book review and provide a disclaimer of my own beliefs as well as documentation of my stance with the folks involved in promoting the book.
A few other reasons will be illuminated along the way.
Defying Autism: A Miraculous Story Of Hope by Karen Mayer Cunningham is an easy to read slim book of 115 pages which, unless you are upset by the material, can easily be read in an hour or two. The first two chapters deal with Karen's return as the prodigal-esque daughter -- and frankly, as I read them, I wondered why they were included in the book. But as we near the end of Biblical proportions, such context adds to the story. For you see, once Karen's son James becomes difficult & is diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum, a large part of Karen's guilt centers around belief that she is, through her son, being punished for being less than perfect.This is not uncommon among the parents of special needs children; even if you aren't particularly religious. Nor is the reaction/response of Karen's husband, Tom, who accuses Karen of being a bad mother. Guilt is typically the inward path of blame that women take; males tend to externalize their blame. This is a large part of why many marriages between parents of special needs children end in divorce.
If these issues were familiar to me, the problems with school & childcare providers were doubly so.
Like Karen, I'd had to battle schools & utter very real threats of legal actions and media attentions. I'd also had horrible scenes & difficult times with childcare (from baby sitters to childcare centers) because those providing the childcare had no clue what to do. I've faced the same ignorance, accusations & animosity Karen faced -- and then some, because my daughter was actually booted from childcare centers & punished at school, despite her "special ed kid" stamp. So I knew how Karen felt when she & her family were treated so poorly by their church's childcare & the public school.
I sighed & ached as I read of Karen's external battles & internal struggles; it certainly isn't easy parenting special needs children. Especially when the child "looks normal" but then displays otherwise. Like Karen, I've often thought that if my child looked special (had Down's or was in a wheelchair, for example), that more allowances & understanding would be given -- to both the child and the parent. (But I wouldn't, as the author does on page 72, call a classically autistic child "deathly, deathly ill with no hope for a cure.")
Also unlike the author, I've never received any such miracle healing of my child.
It's not that I have not prayed; it's not that others have not prayed for my daughter. It's just that my daughter's situation remains (albeit some advancement due to continuing professional assistance, counseling, medication for sleep/stress, & ongoing education).
Having tried various spiritual treatments (finding them at best supportive to me emotionally -- the power of which should not be underestimated), I am not comfortable suggesting a miracle cure as a way to extend hope to other parents. It's rather dubious, actually. For it is at this point of non-miracle that one must then realize the doorway is open for such questions as:
- "If playing Christian music, anointing with oil, &/or other rituals of faith combined with prayer were all that was required to receive God's attention, His miracle, then why do so many suffer?"
- "Am I so sinful that my child must suffer?"
- "Am I of the right church?"
- "Do I follow the right God?"
All of this is not only more guilt for mother ("Are my sins are too great?") but dangerous rhetoric ("Whose God is greater?"). We parents did not "give" our children autism; that's self-defeating and does not support our children. All faiths offer forgiveness and each faith can offer up miracle healings of their own; but still, what a dangerous argumentative path in our times of intolerance.
While I certainly do not begrudge James his healing, Karen her miracle, or anyone their belief in faith, I can, as I do with Jenny McCarthy, remain skeptical & express concern over what is offered as hope but comes with so much rejection. And in this case, it comes with judgment too.
On page 111:
Not every autistic child is demonically possessed, but autism is a curse. In that sense, it must be seen as an oppressive and tormenting force that must be faced with more than just the standard social service tools. The enemy of God wants the people of God ignorant and in despair; this is the ultimate curse. But the Father is in the curse-busting business, and so whether He leads us to phenomenally gifted physicians and clinicians, or to alternative therapies, or to those who know how to address spiritual matters in the power of the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ of Nazareth, He wants us to be free. He wants our children to be free.
Calling autism a "curse" is more than just dangerous in terms of guilt & religious intolerance; it's damning of the individual with autism.
There are things equal-to or worse than autism (where is God during such "curses" as domestic violence, rape, murder, war?) and many on the spectrum would not change who they are. In fact, some folks, such as my daughter's therapist, call autism a gift. Others might not go so far as to call it a gift (I personally struggle with that label myself; from time to time asking for the gift receipt so that I might exchange my daughter's Asperger's for the singing talent to win American Idol), but, like Horton says, "A person's a person," no matter where they sit on the autism spectrum.
If Defying Autism is, as Powers says, "more for the mothers/parents than about the cure," then the author goes about it all wrong. If this bit, from page 110, doesn't "promise a cure," it sure implies it:
This is something only God can do. This is bigger than what the medical field could promise or state agencies manage or those with good intentions assist. It is called a miracle.
(There's a reason people in the medical field don't promise a cure; they'd get sued.)
As the mother of one child diagnosed Asperger's (and one being screened for the spectrum), I found the condemnation of a "curse" far overshadowing any ability to commiserate, let alone be hopeful. In fact, I found Karen Mayer Cunningham's book inflammatory & antagonizing.
It's difficult to say that even if the author had skipped the whole curse bit if I'd have felt better about the book... But she didn't and the aftertaste is too bitter, too strong.
But I suppose, if you are feeling isolated in parenting a child on the autism spectrum (and are unwilling to get yourself to one of the plethora of online networks or real-world support groups), Defying Autism might help you feel less alone... Similarly, if you've got a relative who just doesn't "get it", this book might help them understand some of your struggles, fears, guilts etc... But for me, suggesting someone learn more about autism by reading a copy of a book that calls my kid "cursed" would be horrific. (Would you call your child in a wheelchair "cursed" or "demonically possessed?" I don't think so.)
In any case, I'd caution readers against expecting a healing miracle.
And you might be better off tearing out page 111 entirely.
Friday, December 12, 2008
The Best Christmas Pageant Ever?
My eldest, Allie, the theatre-loving Auspie, finally had a successful audition and got a part in the high school play. While she was giddy over her acceptance, I was anxiety ridden.
As the parent of a special needs kid, your whole take on plays, pageants, concerts and other school productions or events is if not completely opposite of every other parent's, pretty darn close to it. While parents of "normal kids" hope their child excels and stands out from the rest, we cringe in horror, hoping our kids blend in. Every single day.
It's not that we don't value our kids for their unique differences; we just know too damn well what it's like when other people, especially other kids, notice our kids' differences.
So I wasn't some stage mom hoping my kid would be noticed; I was hoping she'd not be noticed.
Practice for the high school's production went about as expected. My daughter was nervous & exhausted -- but she managed to hold up very under the stress of change and less sleep. Allie even managed to hold up when, as expected, some bitchy 16 year old woman-child (typical for high school, mind you), walked up to my daughter and said that my daughter had no right to be in the play and that the only reason she was there was because she was a freak (I'm actually editing that; paraphrasing in a kinder way with "freak" than what was said). That woman-child gets an F for having no class. My daughter gets an A+ for class. She responded simply by talking to her teacher, the director, about it and upon hearing that she earned the spot with a good audition, she left it at that.
I'm sure there was more meanness than that. It's not that I'm being negative; I've just seen how mean other kids are. First, I grew up seeing mean kids in my own school situations. And second, I've seen how mean other kids have been to my daughter -- from day care on up. Surely the high school play posses no magical kindness dust. (If it does, I'd love to buy some.)
Ironically, the play was The Best Christmas Pageant Ever. I'd never seen it or even read the book; but it's a funny story about The Herdmans, "absolutely the worst kids in the history of the world," and how one year they decide to participate in the church's Christmas pageant. (Seriously, The Herdmans have nothing on average kids who are mean to special needs kids.)
Anyway, my daughter made it through rehearsal etc., and we went as a family to see the play on family night's dress rehearsal.
The play was fantastic. Because Allie tends to be very negative, she had complained that she had a very small part. She had made it sound like she was barely in the play when she was not only in most of the scenes, her character actually had a name! That was joyful discovery number one.
The second discovery was Allie's own success. She didn't screw up a thing. She not only remembered her lines and we could hear them clearly -- no shouting either. And hey, she didn't fall down. (Isn't that everyone's fear in a play?)
But the best part was realizing that she was as composed as the rest of the cast. She didn't stand out!
Now I know there were parents there hoping their kid would steal the show, grab the spotlight, be so memorable they'd transcend their role in a magical theatre moment. (And the parents of the young woman who played Imogene Herdman, the bossy girl who asts herself as Mary in the church pageant, sure must have been!) But as a special needs parent, I dreamed of Allie just fitting in. If only for the few hours the play ran.
And she did.
That's what made this The Best Christmas Pageant Ever.
As the parent of a special needs kid, your whole take on plays, pageants, concerts and other school productions or events is if not completely opposite of every other parent's, pretty darn close to it. While parents of "normal kids" hope their child excels and stands out from the rest, we cringe in horror, hoping our kids blend in. Every single day.
It's not that we don't value our kids for their unique differences; we just know too damn well what it's like when other people, especially other kids, notice our kids' differences.
So I wasn't some stage mom hoping my kid would be noticed; I was hoping she'd not be noticed.
Practice for the high school's production went about as expected. My daughter was nervous & exhausted -- but she managed to hold up very under the stress of change and less sleep. Allie even managed to hold up when, as expected, some bitchy 16 year old woman-child (typical for high school, mind you), walked up to my daughter and said that my daughter had no right to be in the play and that the only reason she was there was because she was a freak (I'm actually editing that; paraphrasing in a kinder way with "freak" than what was said). That woman-child gets an F for having no class. My daughter gets an A+ for class. She responded simply by talking to her teacher, the director, about it and upon hearing that she earned the spot with a good audition, she left it at that.
I'm sure there was more meanness than that. It's not that I'm being negative; I've just seen how mean other kids are. First, I grew up seeing mean kids in my own school situations. And second, I've seen how mean other kids have been to my daughter -- from day care on up. Surely the high school play posses no magical kindness dust. (If it does, I'd love to buy some.)
Ironically, the play was The Best Christmas Pageant Ever. I'd never seen it or even read the book; but it's a funny story about The Herdmans, "absolutely the worst kids in the history of the world," and how one year they decide to participate in the church's Christmas pageant. (Seriously, The Herdmans have nothing on average kids who are mean to special needs kids.)
Anyway, my daughter made it through rehearsal etc., and we went as a family to see the play on family night's dress rehearsal.
The play was fantastic. Because Allie tends to be very negative, she had complained that she had a very small part. She had made it sound like she was barely in the play when she was not only in most of the scenes, her character actually had a name! That was joyful discovery number one.
The second discovery was Allie's own success. She didn't screw up a thing. She not only remembered her lines and we could hear them clearly -- no shouting either. And hey, she didn't fall down. (Isn't that everyone's fear in a play?)
But the best part was realizing that she was as composed as the rest of the cast. She didn't stand out!
Now I know there were parents there hoping their kid would steal the show, grab the spotlight, be so memorable they'd transcend their role in a magical theatre moment. (And the parents of the young woman who played Imogene Herdman, the bossy girl who asts herself as Mary in the church pageant, sure must have been!) But as a special needs parent, I dreamed of Allie just fitting in. If only for the few hours the play ran.
And she did.
That's what made this The Best Christmas Pageant Ever.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Allison Bottke On Setting Boundaries With Your Adult Children
An interview with Allison Bottke, author of Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children: Six Steps to Hope and Healing for Struggling Parents.The book comes out of your own personal experience with your son. Please tell us about that.
ALLISON: For years I really thought I was helping my son. I wanted him to have the things I never had growing up. I love my son, and I didn’t want him to hurt—but sometimes pain is a natural result of the choices we make. For a long time I didn’t understand the part I was playing in the ongoing drama that had become my son’s life—I didn’t understand that I didn’t have to live in constant chaos and crisis because of his choices. When I chose to stop the insanity and start living a life of hope and healing my life changed. It’s a feeling I want other struggling parents and grandparents to experience. I want other parents to know that change is possible when we choose to stop the destructive cycle of enabling. And we can stop it. I know, because I’ve done it.
How can we determine whether we are helping versus enabling our children?
ALLISON: Helping is doing something for someone that he is not capable of doing himself.
Enabling is doing for someone things that he could and should be doing himself.
An enabler is a person who recognizes that a negative circumstance is occurring on a regular basis and yet continues to enable the person with the problem to persist with his detrimental behaviors. Simply, enabling creates an atmosphere in which our adult children can comfortably continue their unacceptable behavior.
You say there are two separate yet intrinsically combined things going on when we look at the pathology of enabling our adult children, what are those two things?
ALLISON: #1. We have the issue of the dysfunctional child himself—the product of our enabling. Most often, we are dealing with adult children who have no concept of healthy boundaries as they pertain to their parents and grandparents. Many are dealing with addictions to alcohol, drugs, sex, pornography, gambling, and more. Some of these children are involved in illegal activity, while others have been in and out of jail numerous times. Some are abusive to us. Some have jobs while others do not, most have extreme financial challenges. Others are still living at home, and some have even moved their spouse or “significant other” into their parents’ home with them. Many have been in and out of treatment centers, most often at the urging (and cost) of their parents. While we cannot change the behavior of our adult children, we can change how we respond to their actions and to their choices. We can, and must, begin to establish healthy boundaries and rules.
#2. Then, we have the issue of our own personal health and growth (or lack thereof.) For many of us, we have spent years taking care of, bailing out, coming to the rescue, making excuses for, crying over, praying for, and otherwise focusing an unhealthy amount of time and attention on this adult child, that we have neglected our own mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical health. Many of us have neglected other family members as well, as the adult child has taken so much of our energy. Some of us are now experiencing severe financial ramifications from having enabled our adult child. Others are finding their marriage falling apart as tempers flair and situations spiral out of control. What is it inside us that makes us respond in such a way—that makes us enable our adult children?
You say the main problem with dysfunctional adult children isn’t the choice they make or don’t make – but something else entirely. If their choices aren’t the main problem, what is?
ALLISON: Our biggest problem isn’t about our adult child’s inability to wake up when their alarm clock rings, or their inability to keep a schedule, or their inability to hold down a job or pay their bills. It’s not about their drug use or alcohol addictions. It’s not about the mess they’re making of their life. The main problem is about the part we’re playing in stepping in to soften the blow of the consequences that come from the choices they make. The main problem is us. Instead of praying to God to stop the pain, remove the difficulty, or change the life of our adult child, we must rise up and pray for something entirely different. We must pray for the courage to look deep in our own heart and soul—pray for the strength to begin a journey that quite possibly may change our own life—and pray for the wisdom to make new choices in our own life.
What does this book accomplish that other books on the topic do not?
ALLISON: Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children will empower readers with a no holds barred six step S.A.N.I.T.Y. format, stating in black and white the parental behaviors that must STOP, along with identifying new habits to implement if change is to occur. Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children will identify the false conceptions parents believe about themselves and their adult children and will counter each lie of captivity with the truth that setting boundaries is not only a good thing—but a vital part of hope and healing. True stories from other enabling parents and grandparents are woven throughout the chapters. Discussions with and observations from licensed psychologists and psychiatrists are also included.
Is Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children applicable to readers who many not share the same faith journey as you?
ALLISON: Absolutely. As a Christian, I write from that perspective. I personally believe that a focus on God or on your Higher Power is vital in this healing process. However, the book is written in such a way as to appeal to people of all beliefs and denominations.
You say that enabling our children is “a nationwide epidemic with catastrophic consequences.” What has led you to believe this?
ALLISON: There is clearly an epidemic of major proportion plaguing our nation today. This has become obvious to me as I travel the country sharing my God Allows U-Turns testimony and outreach. Seldom does a week go by when I am not approached by someone in deep pain concerning their adult child. It’s not just audience members in conflict with this troubling issue, but fellow authors, speakers and entertainers, some quite well known, who are living in the throes of familial discord concerning out-of-control adult children. It’s happening all over the country to people from all walks of life.
I encourage your readers to tell me what they think about Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children. I really do want to hear reader feedback. They can reach me at: SettingBoundaries@SanitySupport.com Please be sure to visit our web site at http://www.sanitysupport.com/blogtourguests.htm where they will find additional resources for helping them on their road to S.A.N.I.T.Y. Remember to tell a friend in need and help save a life!
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
A Bookish TMI Tuesday
1. What was your favorite book as a kid?
Oh, any in the Black Stallion Series by Walter Farley. And anything to do with ancient Egypt.
2. If you were stranded on that proverbial desert island (again!), what book or books (up to 5) would you want to have with you?
Only five?! This is why I do dream of endless amounts of time to just read, I do not dream of isolation which would limit my reading.
This is question is not only an exercise in emotional torture, but an exercise in memory as well. And, I must also state as a disclaimer, that this list is also based on today's mood. (We'll not even go into the matter of what mood would I be in stranded on the island.)
1 Temple of My Familiar, by Alice Walker
2 Beloved, by Toni Morisson
3 Tad Williams Otherland series, any book in the series would be fine.
(Because of their rich layers and ability to make one think long after reading them -- which is important when I only am allowed 5 books!)
4 The Island Stallion, by Walter Farley. (Because now that I'm thinking of my younger days and horse love, why not relive it here on the island and have the story of a boy equally stranded who finds a dream horse?)
And 5, James Tiptree, Jr: The Double Life of Alice B. Sheldon, by Julie Phillips -- because I've just started it and I have to finish it!
3. What was the first "naughty" book you read and in what way was it naughty?
The Summer of '42, which I've written about here.
But I do also remember reading the Flowers in The Attic series too -- with a much different reaction. It was a very popular series -- even my non-reading friends were all reading it. I remember reading of the love affair between siblings and feeling quite torn, nearly ill, over making the choice to surrender to it. Not just to surrender to suspend belief, but to actually submit to the notion of romance and longing over such a relationship. It made me feel dirty when I did so; or like I let the author down when I didn't. Reading can be a complicated business.
4. If you were to publish your autobiography today, what would be the title?
Hubby and I joke all the time about this. I'm constantly finding phrases which would be an excellent title for my biography and have decided that my biography would consist of nothing but these titles -- arranged as chapter titles and subtitles. Hubby says at this rate that the book would still be a tome. *wink*
Given the sheer volume of such potential titles, and the fact that I'm gonna use them somehow, someway, someday... I'm not sharing them now. :p
5. Would you rather look at nude pictures/pornography or read erotic fiction and why?
Do I have to choose?
I love the written word, but sometimes a photo is rather grand. The two mixed, well, that's distracting. If I must comply, I'll say the written work. But I do collect both.
Bonus (as in optional): Do you know the whereabouts today of the first person with whom you had sex?
No. Last I heard he was in Chicago, working as a tailor or tailor's apprentice. But I had no interest in looking for him then; and none now. However, if I did bump into him, I would enjoy a catch-up conversation. I have no ill-will; just not enough interest in looking for that conversation.
You can play along with TMI Tuesdays #119 here.
Oh, any in the Black Stallion Series by Walter Farley. And anything to do with ancient Egypt.
2. If you were stranded on that proverbial desert island (again!), what book or books (up to 5) would you want to have with you?
Only five?! This is why I do dream of endless amounts of time to just read, I do not dream of isolation which would limit my reading.
This is question is not only an exercise in emotional torture, but an exercise in memory as well. And, I must also state as a disclaimer, that this list is also based on today's mood. (We'll not even go into the matter of what mood would I be in stranded on the island.)
1 Temple of My Familiar, by Alice Walker
2 Beloved, by Toni Morisson
3 Tad Williams Otherland series, any book in the series would be fine.
(Because of their rich layers and ability to make one think long after reading them -- which is important when I only am allowed 5 books!)
4 The Island Stallion, by Walter Farley. (Because now that I'm thinking of my younger days and horse love, why not relive it here on the island and have the story of a boy equally stranded who finds a dream horse?)
And 5, James Tiptree, Jr: The Double Life of Alice B. Sheldon, by Julie Phillips -- because I've just started it and I have to finish it!
3. What was the first "naughty" book you read and in what way was it naughty?
The Summer of '42, which I've written about here.
But I do also remember reading the Flowers in The Attic series too -- with a much different reaction. It was a very popular series -- even my non-reading friends were all reading it. I remember reading of the love affair between siblings and feeling quite torn, nearly ill, over making the choice to surrender to it. Not just to surrender to suspend belief, but to actually submit to the notion of romance and longing over such a relationship. It made me feel dirty when I did so; or like I let the author down when I didn't. Reading can be a complicated business.
4. If you were to publish your autobiography today, what would be the title?
Hubby and I joke all the time about this. I'm constantly finding phrases which would be an excellent title for my biography and have decided that my biography would consist of nothing but these titles -- arranged as chapter titles and subtitles. Hubby says at this rate that the book would still be a tome. *wink*
Given the sheer volume of such potential titles, and the fact that I'm gonna use them somehow, someway, someday... I'm not sharing them now. :p
5. Would you rather look at nude pictures/pornography or read erotic fiction and why?
Do I have to choose?
I love the written word, but sometimes a photo is rather grand. The two mixed, well, that's distracting. If I must comply, I'll say the written work. But I do collect both.
Bonus (as in optional): Do you know the whereabouts today of the first person with whom you had sex?
No. Last I heard he was in Chicago, working as a tailor or tailor's apprentice. But I had no interest in looking for him then; and none now. However, if I did bump into him, I would enjoy a catch-up conversation. I have no ill-will; just not enough interest in looking for that conversation.
You can play along with TMI Tuesdays #119 here.
Thursday, November 08, 2007
The Aspergers/Anime Connection
Allie, the eldest who's an Auspie, had oral surgery recently, so I went in search of cheap manga comic books. She loves anime and manga, but me not-so-much. I'm not only a fan of reading, but manga and anime present parenting problems. For example, in Japan animation and comics aren't just for kids but in fact has an adults only genre called hentai, which is porn. Even the graded or rated stuff isn't a certainty for I've found in books rated 13+ lots of nude topless women, in showers etc., with very adult themes, such as men spying on them. So you really have to screen books and videos to make sure they are appropriate.
In the recent issue of Wired, there were several featured articles on manga, and while I was disappointed to not see any notices or warnings on the issue of hentai, there were some very interesting things. For example, How Manga Conquered the U.S., a Graphic Guide to Japan's Coolest Export is not only very cool but it gives newbies (manga virgins) an idea of what it's all about.
However, of most note to parents of special needs kids was this bit from This Is Your Brain On Manga:
While I originally barely tolerated anime, I did learn to twist that obsession of hers into the manga books -- hey, it was some form of reading. (And it did reignite her passion for reading after a several year hiatus.) But now I wonder if this "manga mind" thing, where a person views and interprets differently, is some key to further understanding how my daughter receives information.
Perhaps it will lead to more insight. Perhaps not.
But it does mean I will be moving more quickly on screening the piles of manga books and anime videos I have laying about the house.
In the recent issue of Wired, there were several featured articles on manga, and while I was disappointed to not see any notices or warnings on the issue of hentai, there were some very interesting things. For example, How Manga Conquered the U.S., a Graphic Guide to Japan's Coolest Export is not only very cool but it gives newbies (manga virgins) an idea of what it's all about.However, of most note to parents of special needs kids was this bit from This Is Your Brain On Manga:
and played But as a Westerner without deep experience with manga, I displayed the hallmarks of what we might call a "prose mind." My eyes herked and jerked across each page, stopping to linger over any text I encountered — almost as if I were scouting for words rather than absorbing pictures. a Then he asked one of his research assistants, 29-year-old NakamichiKeito, to step up. Keito was asked to read a passage from Yanki-kunMegane-chan, a series he doesn't usually follow. When NakazawaKeito's video, it was a revelation. His eyes slalomed smoothly from page edge to page edge, rarely stopping at the text. In fact, there were portions of pages that his eyes never touched — because, as Nakazawa explained, Keito was either processing the words through his peripheral vision or simply imputing what was there. Like a seasoned skier, he moved with great speed yet remained acutely aware of his surroundings.As a parent of an Auspie, I'm now thinking about manga differently.
Keito has a "manga mind," capable of understanding context, supplying missing information, and interpreting word and image as one.
While I originally barely tolerated anime, I did learn to twist that obsession of hers into the manga books -- hey, it was some form of reading. (And it did reignite her passion for reading after a several year hiatus.) But now I wonder if this "manga mind" thing, where a person views and interprets differently, is some key to further understanding how my daughter receives information.
Perhaps it will lead to more insight. Perhaps not.
But it does mean I will be moving more quickly on screening the piles of manga books and anime videos I have laying about the house.
Monday, November 05, 2007
Mommie of Children in the Lamp
As a general rule, I can't pass up a book for $1 and if it's got any sort of ancient Egyptian theme, well, I'm twice the sucker; triple points for my fav Egyptian, Akhenaten. So when I spotted Children of the Lamp: The Akhenaten Adventure, by P.B. Kerr, I grabbed it.
It wasn't until I was at home sorting through the box of books that I noticed this was a children's book -- but in my defense, it's a children's book in the way that the Harry Potter books are.
The similarities between Kerr's book and those by Rowling are many including that the series features elements of not fitting in along with the magic. Children of the Lamp features twins, John and Philippa Gaunt, from a wealthy family and loving home; but the message is still one of growing up and accepting yourself as you are -- and with the hope that magic is that something special about you which those well-meaning adults keep mentioning. And of course, there's mystery and adventure, full of fantastic possibilities. Which is to say that it's rather a good read for anyone who fancies a fantasy read.
Instead of being wizards, the Gaunt twins are descendants from a long line of Djinn, which is the good side of those beings called jinn (a being which most of us would call a genie), so like Potter and crew, the Gaunt twins must fight against evil.
I personally like the book, finding the story line to be as fantastic as any Potter tale and full of great Egyptian lore -- which means the book is more than some update of the typical 'genie in the lamp' story.
As an adult I particularly loved the British tone. The author, P.B. Kerr, is Philip Kerr, the British bestselling author of thrillers for adult readers, and the British voice is clear in this book. Think of me what you will, I do so enjoy a book which reads in an accent.
An excellent example, in part because one can not only hear the accent but the sneer as well, is this bit from page 25:
I remember reading that passage, flipping to the copyright page for the year, and thinking, My gosh, can the author say that in 2004?
I'm delighted it's there. But others aren't.
They think Kerr's use of smoke, smoking and smoking materials is endorsing smoking. I guess they can't see how Kerr has put in negatives regarding of the act of smoking, so I guess they cannot accept that the genie -- err, jinn, are beings born of smoke &/or fire. The history, along with the relationship between jinn and smoke, is clearly told in Kerr's book -- as well as the fact that humans suffer from such things. But I guess that's not good enough for some people; they fear that Kerr is romanticizing smoking.
I once would have believe these people to be the very same people who worried that humans reading the Potter books would harm themselves by trying to fly on Nimbus2000s and walking into train and subway station walls, looking for the platform for wizards -- but that was long before smokers became the new lepers. Which, I think, is part of Kerr's comments on page 25. At least this is, in part, why I find that passage, and others like it, so charming. Perhaps this is an inside joke that only Kerr and I share.
Then again, it may not be -- or Kerr caved -- for I see some commenting that the third book in the series has the smoking go up in smoke. Not that I've read the other books in the Children of the Lamp series; I just stumbled into this one at a book sale this fall.
In any case, I highly recommend the first book, The Akhenaten Adventure, and will be looking to get the others as well. If your kids like Potter and you want to keep them reading, get copies asap.
Visit P.B. Kerr & get series updates here.
It wasn't until I was at home sorting through the box of books that I noticed this was a children's book -- but in my defense, it's a children's book in the way that the Harry Potter books are.
The similarities between Kerr's book and those by Rowling are many including that the series features elements of not fitting in along with the magic. Children of the Lamp features twins, John and Philippa Gaunt, from a wealthy family and loving home; but the message is still one of growing up and accepting yourself as you are -- and with the hope that magic is that something special about you which those well-meaning adults keep mentioning. And of course, there's mystery and adventure, full of fantastic possibilities. Which is to say that it's rather a good read for anyone who fancies a fantasy read.Instead of being wizards, the Gaunt twins are descendants from a long line of Djinn, which is the good side of those beings called jinn (a being which most of us would call a genie), so like Potter and crew, the Gaunt twins must fight against evil.
I personally like the book, finding the story line to be as fantastic as any Potter tale and full of great Egyptian lore -- which means the book is more than some update of the typical 'genie in the lamp' story.
As an adult I particularly loved the British tone. The author, P.B. Kerr, is Philip Kerr, the British bestselling author of thrillers for adult readers, and the British voice is clear in this book. Think of me what you will, I do so enjoy a book which reads in an accent.
An excellent example, in part because one can not only hear the accent but the sneer as well, is this bit from page 25:
Mrs. Gaunt sighed and lit a cigarette prompting the twins to make some faces: They hated her smoking. It had always seemed like the least glamorous part of Layla Gaunt, especially in New York where people get more worked up about things like smoking than they do about guns.Ah, no American author could get away with saying that.
I remember reading that passage, flipping to the copyright page for the year, and thinking, My gosh, can the author say that in 2004?
I'm delighted it's there. But others aren't.
They think Kerr's use of smoke, smoking and smoking materials is endorsing smoking. I guess they can't see how Kerr has put in negatives regarding of the act of smoking, so I guess they cannot accept that the genie -- err, jinn, are beings born of smoke &/or fire. The history, along with the relationship between jinn and smoke, is clearly told in Kerr's book -- as well as the fact that humans suffer from such things. But I guess that's not good enough for some people; they fear that Kerr is romanticizing smoking.
I once would have believe these people to be the very same people who worried that humans reading the Potter books would harm themselves by trying to fly on Nimbus2000s and walking into train and subway station walls, looking for the platform for wizards -- but that was long before smokers became the new lepers. Which, I think, is part of Kerr's comments on page 25. At least this is, in part, why I find that passage, and others like it, so charming. Perhaps this is an inside joke that only Kerr and I share.
Then again, it may not be -- or Kerr caved -- for I see some commenting that the third book in the series has the smoking go up in smoke. Not that I've read the other books in the Children of the Lamp series; I just stumbled into this one at a book sale this fall.
In any case, I highly recommend the first book, The Akhenaten Adventure, and will be looking to get the others as well. If your kids like Potter and you want to keep them reading, get copies asap.
Visit P.B. Kerr & get series updates here.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
13 Ways To Celebrate Summer Reading As A Family
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1) Book recycling. Take your used books and donate them to your local library' 'friends' for a fund raiser, and be sue to check out books on too -- letting the kids know the valuable services that libraries provide. 2) Book Cycling. Take books along on your next bike ride. Bike further than you usually do, stop under a tree and read. Refreshed, head back home again. 3) 4) Get, and display, Library Punk Stickers. 5) Book recycling plan B. Have your own used book sale (or rummage sale) as a family, then take your money and go buy books at the rummage sales of others. Discuss how a book is only not worth anything if it's never read. 6) 7) Stay up late: Each family member who can read takes turns reading aloud to the rest of the family. Make sure to make time for the family to discuss the story with, questions such as "What do you think happens next?" and "What's your favorite part so far?" 8) Use sibling rivalry to your benefit: Let the child who has done their chores first, etc. be the one to pick the book you read out loud together as a family. 9) Siesta for the soul. Make the hour after lunch reading time. (No arguments on waiting for the dip in pool with this plan, cuz they are with the program. *wink*) 10) Stay up late -- and educate. Read aloud to your children from works they wouldn't/couldn't read themselves. (We did this last summer with Canterbury Tales, and the kids really liked it.) Be sure to stop as need to explain words etc. they might not understand. 11) Actually take your tree, flower, bird or other field identification guide out with you on your next walk or outing. Help the kids learn to use guides for identification. (If you don't have one, check rummage sales -- I'm always finding them for less than $1.) 12) Include your children's friends in your trips to the library. 13) Popsicles and Puppets. Give the kids a frozen treat while parents use puppets read stories. Invite the neighborhood kids too. Links to other Thursday Thirteens! (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!) Thursday Thirteen (#11) : Disneyland! Thursday Thirteen: June 13 Keeping Riley Busy This Summer Thursday Thirteen...Frog Edition Thursday Thirteen: Hell In Handbags Thirteen pictures I hope will make you smile. Thursday Thirteen--in lieu |
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
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Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Destiny's Destiny
Destiny is starting to get some attention for her book review blog. She's just been asked to do reviews for GNM Parents, a Grasshopper New Media site for parents.
Destiny's still 10 years old, had the blog just three months, and already she's got real writing opportunities!
I'm proud of her -- and a bit jealous too :p
Destiny's still 10 years old, had the blog just three months, and already she's got real writing opportunities!
I'm proud of her -- and a bit jealous too :p
Monday, April 09, 2007
Protecting Our Kids, Literature-ly
While we are busy removing the cigarette from the author's photo (in our quest to remove smoking from our collective history, the publisher should also make the following changes to Goodnight Moon. *wink*
Friday, March 02, 2007
Happy Birthday, Cat in the Hat!
Inspired by the Life-magazine article Why Can't Johnny Read?, Dr. Seuss' The Cat in the Hat turns 50 today.
To celebrate, you may buy the book -- but most importantly, spend some time today reading with your child. And if he or she is 'too old for that, mom,' spend time reading in front of your child so they know the love & importance of reading.
Last weekend, my six year old son read to me -- an entire book for the first time. (I did my best not to cry with happiness through the whole thing.) He only consented to read one book to me, but afterwards I made sure he 'caught' me reading myself. And then, something even more miraculous occurred: we had a conversation about a book. Our first real conversation about a book!
I was reading a a biography of Tiptree (a copy borrowed from Gracie, who finally did her review) and Hunter came in the room. He looked at the book and said, "There's no pictures in there." Derek laughed. And I showed him that there were indeed photos, and he asked what the book was about.
"A lady who, a long time ago, went to the deepest jungles of Africa -- at a time when no other white people had. Africa was so 'new' that there were no elephants or gorillas or lions in zoos and not many here had seen them. She was just 5 years old and had to be carried in a hammock-type sling by men who had never seen a little white girl. She liked Africa, but was angry she couldn't hunt like her dad -- and her mom. She grew up and became an author. She wrote science fiction stories -- stories about men & women who traveled in spaceships to different planets. But she couldn't write as a woman, so she used a man's name to write and publish her stories. She was a woman, but everyone thought she was a man."
"Cool," he said, with eyes as big as saucers. "Is she still alive?"
"No," I said.
"How did she die?"
"I don't know, I haven't read that far yet..."
"Will you tell me?"
"Sure," I said. My eyes welling with tears... We had had our first real book conversation. Now I know he understands the power of reading.
The sad thing is, now that I've finished the book and know how she dies, I am hoping he won't ask me. A murder suicide is not something I want to share with a six year old.
To celebrate, you may buy the book -- but most importantly, spend some time today reading with your child. And if he or she is 'too old for that, mom,' spend time reading in front of your child so they know the love & importance of reading.
Last weekend, my six year old son read to me -- an entire book for the first time. (I did my best not to cry with happiness through the whole thing.) He only consented to read one book to me, but afterwards I made sure he 'caught' me reading myself. And then, something even more miraculous occurred: we had a conversation about a book. Our first real conversation about a book!
I was reading a a biography of Tiptree (a copy borrowed from Gracie, who finally did her review) and Hunter came in the room. He looked at the book and said, "There's no pictures in there." Derek laughed. And I showed him that there were indeed photos, and he asked what the book was about.
"A lady who, a long time ago, went to the deepest jungles of Africa -- at a time when no other white people had. Africa was so 'new' that there were no elephants or gorillas or lions in zoos and not many here had seen them. She was just 5 years old and had to be carried in a hammock-type sling by men who had never seen a little white girl. She liked Africa, but was angry she couldn't hunt like her dad -- and her mom. She grew up and became an author. She wrote science fiction stories -- stories about men & women who traveled in spaceships to different planets. But she couldn't write as a woman, so she used a man's name to write and publish her stories. She was a woman, but everyone thought she was a man."
"Cool," he said, with eyes as big as saucers. "Is she still alive?"
"No," I said.
"How did she die?"
"I don't know, I haven't read that far yet..."
"Will you tell me?"
"Sure," I said. My eyes welling with tears... We had had our first real book conversation. Now I know he understands the power of reading.
The sad thing is, now that I've finished the book and know how she dies, I am hoping he won't ask me. A murder suicide is not something I want to share with a six year old.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
What's All Going On
Moms, you need to know this: Panties that do not stain are now on the market!
Aren't the rest of you worried about the abundance of library closings?!
Professional commitments keep me from posting here much -- in case you missed it, we signed Randal Radic and we're in the news for the "suckers" that we are -- apparently this will be the death of us lol
Meanwhile, Suburban Diva made the Chicago Trib!
I'm working to get back to it more, posting about parenting is what I mean. But meanwhile, here's what hubby has to say about our lives -- he says is so much better than I can right now ;)
Aren't the rest of you worried about the abundance of library closings?!
Professional commitments keep me from posting here much -- in case you missed it, we signed Randal Radic and we're in the news for the "suckers" that we are -- apparently this will be the death of us lol
Meanwhile, Suburban Diva made the Chicago Trib!
I'm working to get back to it more, posting about parenting is what I mean. But meanwhile, here's what hubby has to say about our lives -- he says is so much better than I can right now ;)
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